Well, today was a good day!

I got a text message from my dad at 6:50. That's AM folks. But I didn't know the answer so I went back to sleep. Then my alarm clock went off a little later. So I turned that off and went back to sleep. I finally rolled out of bed around 9:45 or 10. Martin called shortly after and I can't really remember why anymore. Then I showered, read a little, ate breakfast, and went to senior pictures. At the park. Very pretty, but rainy. There was a little confusion on the time, but no big deal, it turned out ok for the most part.

Then I followed Nick to donut palace. Then he beat me back to school. For third period, we went to Sonic. Then we came to school just as the bell for lunch was ringing. Then Mr. Villareal tried to make me to physical labor. I made a freshman do it. Then I went to 4th period, but only for a minute or so, because he took us all to the cafeteria and pulled one of those "you all have to go to work? It's ok, I understand, you can leave" so we all left. I went to the field house, because i've never really been there. Then I walked to my car.

At sonic, some mean bullies were making fun of me for being pale, so I put on my bathing suit and washed my car. You won't believe I have a tan line but I'm still this white. Then I went back in school to pretend to play wall ball. But I wasn't strong enough to really play. So I went inside and talked to Travis, then Scott. Then I spun around in circles until I got very dizzy and ran into the door, then into this one girl who I don't know who she was because I was still kind of spinning. I'm sorry to you, girl. Then I sat to try to regain my balance and Nick and Larry came and we played with a balloon and I showed them my new music book. Then we have a clinic. Lots of band lately. Then some not-really soccer in the parking lot, then home for dinner. Now I'll read until I go to bed.

Yay for no school this week. And starting Monday my math teacher will be gone for 2 weeks so I think that is also good and because we haven't had a test in there for 3 weeks and I like not doing math. And also yay becuase people tell me a lot lately that I'm pretty and that makes me feel pretty so I like it. Thank you! Keep it up, people!

Yay! Prom was soo much fun!

I got my nails done Friday night it wasn't my first manicure, but it was my first full pedicure and I was sure I was going to hate it! But as ticklish as I am, I actually let her massage my feet and legs and everything and it was fine. After that, I fell asleep and then Martin picked me up and we went to North to suprise Conrad. Nick met us there, but since it was storming bad they cancelled it, so we went to Starbucks then picked up Connors and ended up just sitting on Martin's patio watching the storm for a long time. It was fun, because I like those 4 people a lot. I noticed the 4 of us hanging out a lot lately, and it makes me miss Diana sooo much...

Saturday I woke up early and got my hair done. We left a little early to go to the store first to buy what I wanted in my hair, but Mom and I couldn't agree and ended up arguing, so I left the store with nothing. :( Then we went to the salon, which was in old Carrolton. First we went to this cute little coffee place. And outside the gazebo (how do you spell that) was all decorated with flowers and lights and gorgeous and I really wanted my pictures there. But I held my tounge. Then Mom started to take me into this antique store, and I told her we didn't have any time to go shopping. It turns out, my 80 year old hair stylist was inside the antique store/salon. I wanted to cry. As I was sitting there waiting for my turn, I was absolutely miserable. I just knew she was going to do this terrible job because she's old and she sells antiques and does hair on the side and I was really really upset. But I found about 20 pictures of what I wanted my hair to look like and made her look at all of them before she even started, and it turned out alright. Not what I wanted, but it was ok. I left there hating it, but then it kind of grew on me, until I got to the flower shop and I saw everyone's pretty hair and got sad again.

After the hair thing, I went to Conrad's house. His mom was in charge of my make up. She sells Mary-Kay, so she has unlimited access to samples, which are just the right amount. In fact, since my mom sells Avon, it's the same way with her. But I didn't want her to do my make up, which is another reason why she wasn't very happy with me. But Mrs. Schaars did an amazing job transforming me into something beautiful. No one recognized me, and I got more compliments then than any other day of my life. But as we were sitting at the dining room table I tired to include my mom as much as I could. I would ask her which colors she liked and how she liked it so far and every once and a while she'd offer a suggestion to Mrs. Schaars. Sometime while all of this was happening, Connor came downstairs wearing ugly jeans and a wrinkled shirt, and I told him he had to change. So he went and ironed his nice black clothes from Ireland, and I put on my dress and he came downstairs and was shocked and amazed. I was pretty. We took some pictures together, the last one was him carrying me. It was fun. Then our moms talked for forever and we got bored.

Then about 1:30 I'd say, Mom and I went to get the flowers. They weren't what I ordered at all. Not even the same color. In fact, they didn't even match each other. I didn't even think they were mine. But that's ok too, I ended up liking them also. Then I ate KFC. It tastes good and I was hungry. And then really really bored. So I called Nick and he was bored too and I headed over to his house. He needed to takes some pictures of him to put in the band video. After arguing with his mom about what shirt to wear, he took two, and we climbed over a stone wall into this one really pretty place and took pictures with a waterfall in the background and they turned out really really nice. He's pretty. Then we went back to his house and looked through old picture albums with his mom trying to find a baby picture for the video also. But around 4ish I think I went home, because I was tired again.

Dad wanted to go see Kill Bill with Brent, but my mom said he had to see me first, so I had to go put on my dress and shoes and jewelry and even take my purse downstairs so we could take one picture, then he left. Then I got some stuff ready like food and cleaned up my room and stuff. I was putting CDs in the car (Hanson, Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, Now 2, Rascal Flatts, and Simple Plan) when Nick and his mom came. Then we all went to the Gaylord Texan (it just sounds lovely, doesn't it?) to take pictures with the whole group. Pictures there took forever and a half. My mom didnt get to take my picture in front of any of the places she wanted to, because some of the parents were really pushy. One time she yelled when this one lady walked in front of her camera. I laughed at her for that. But Nick and I got to take a picture with Kevin and Amy, and I really like that picture.

Then back to my house to drop of the parents (who went to dinner together. it's hard when they're friends because they talk about me and nick) and we went to pick up Larry and Aubrey. Then dinner came with a valet. And Nick was very grown up when he tipped him. And the boys took care of the meal. And it was good. I ate a lot.

Then prom was sooo much fun. We took pictures at first, then walked around talking to everyone and seeing everyone for about the first half. Then Nick and I went dancing for the second half. We slow danced and swing danced and fast danced and macarena danced and it was soo much fun. And then I did some Ashley dancing. I'm good at dancing. Haha. On the dance floor I think we actually mostly talked to Malory, cus Larry and Aubrey wouldn't come and dance much. But I had so much fun at prom. I can't remember the last time I had that much fun!

Then we went to my house. It was terrible. And boring. So after 2 movies, Nick and I went to IHOP. It was good, but neither of us felt like eating much. He paid, it was nice. Then we drove around because we didn't want to go back to my house yet. Nick kinda dozed off, and with no one to talk to I was getting pretty drowzy myself. I had to turn the radio up and sing out loud to stay awake. Then we went to my house and picked up Aubrey and Larry and took them to Aubrey's house, then Nick and I went to church to sing in the first service. Michelle skipped. Nick's breakfast didn't agree with him. Then we talked ouside in the parking lot for a little while about prom. Then home.

I tired to sleep, after i spent half an hour taking out my hair, but my mom had all these ladies come over, and they all rang the doorbell. And talked loudly, because they're old and can't hear well. Then we had a Ruach concert and had to be at church at 1:45. Then lunch, then choir, then youth, then out again with Connor and Martin. I told you we hang out a lot. We picked up chips and salsa and headed to Connor's house and sat on the porch eating and it was fun too. Then we plugged Martin's camera into the tv to watch pics from prom, but Nick's mom called about 12 times, so I had to take him home. And then I went home. It was about 10. And a little later I went to sleep because I was still so tired.

The end and prom was so much fun and I want to have a prom 2. Like homecoming 2, but better.

Ah ha! Here's an example of something I can't change! Tomorrow (prom) there are supposed to be thunder storms all day. But I obviously can't do a thing about that, so I won't worry about it. It could be fun to go puddle jumping! So it's a good thing we're taking pictures at an indoor garden place. And it'll give Nick a chance to see the windshield wipers that automatically come on when it rains! But I'm not sure we can go swimming anymore; it could be dangerous!

I really struggle a lot with which sort of things I have control over and which I don't. You know, sometimes people say "well you can't do anything about it so just live with it." But I hate it when they say that and you know it can be fixed. But it also drives me crazy when people try so hard to change things that you can't change.

I guess from far away it's a lot easier to tell though. I think I can usually tell the difference in someone else's situation, but I really struggle with figuring it out for my own. And no, this actually isn't about college. It's about just about everything else: friends, prom, work, school, band, feelings, thoughts. It's hard.

Today doesn't feel like a school night at all. I went to band all day. Dumb ol' contest. But at least no German class today. I know next week will be so hard after having 3 four day weeks in a row, and only going to school for 3 days this week really. Plus I'll be tired from prom.

After we got back from Band, I went to church and picked up Heidi. We saw Maxanne in the parking lot, and she wanted to hang out with us and suggested we all go to the park and fly kites! So, since Nick got two lovely kites from Maxanne for his birthday, we went to his house and rang the doorbell. He didn't answer that or the 5 million phone calls I placed because, as I found out later, he was busy doing his hair. So at least he was pretty while it was still wet.

I took Heidi with me to my house so I could change, then Nick met us here with the kites. And we did nothing for a while. Then we went and got slurpees first. And took a bag of potato chips with us to much on. And Maxanne said she had to babysit her sister who's in 6th grade and that's dumb, so we brought her a cherry slurpee, and we went to Andy Brown. East, that is. It was hard to fly that kite! And this one boy took my picture.

Then we were out of slurpees and done flying a kite so we went to Holywood to rent what we would watch after prom. We decide on Prom Night. How appropriate. It shall be fun. And then Heidi had to go back to church because it was after 7 and it was time for her to go home, so Nick and I went to my house. I think we were about to have a conversation, and then I saw my mom driving away, so I hopped out of the car and asked her to take us to dinner, because when parents pay, it's free.

On the way home, Nick drove my mom's car. Then I told him that poem about waltzing is really about child abuse. Then I went back to Hollywood to rent Kill Bill for Daddy, and Jonathan told me he thought that girl I was with was hot. I said she's 15. He said that's illegal. Then some secret stuff happened. And now I'm home, and I'll watch a movie.

Today was fun, because it felt like summer. Or at least a long weekend. I'll miss doing things like this when I'm gone. Maybe I'll find people like to hang out with who are cool enough to make any Thursday afternoon feel like a nice summer day.

Well, here I am exercising my right to instant communication power by posting my thoughts to the web whenever the urge strikes.

Today was stressful, somewhat. I had a boring day at school. It's pointless, it is. I go to band, and sleep while other people practice, because I don't play much. Then I go to second period (german) and sleep because she's working with the german 4 kid instead of us german 3 kids. Then in english, we finished 40 minutes early. So I called Nick, but I'd already gotten in trouble once for text messaging that period, so I put it away and slept. Then I went to math, where he said to finish the worksheets I finished on Friday. Indeed. So today I did about an hour of school work. It would be so much better if only I could attend for that hour then leave. The rest of those 5 hours I could be working or watching movies or shopping or reading or something!

I used to not mind school much. I've always done my homework. I even did all my reading assignments in AP government and APUSH and AP economics and everything! But now I don't have any homework. Or even classwork for that matter.

Anyways, after school, I came home and watched Intolerable Cruelty. It was mighty good. And funny. Then I headed up to sectionals, which are never mighty good. Or funny. And then Nick drove my car. Then Ashley drove Nick's car. Hehe. That was mighty good too. I had a jolly good time. And then I went to work. Thankfully, Wind Song said he could cover for me for the start of my shift, since I have sectionals every day of the week. Then I worked. And I found out my new favorite employee shall leave too. That's like 8 in a row now. (No, I'm not exaggerating if I can name them: Jarid, old David, Annette, Jeff, new David, Martin, Chad, and now Jeremey.) It's getting quite rediculous. Tomorrow, since I have sectionals again, Jeremey was supposed to work the first part of my shift, but since he's got that new job at walmart, he shan't be available. But he talked to Christy and she said it's ok if I'm just a little late. She doesn't know my sectionals don't even start until 5:30. Oh dear.

I've been upset lately. Last night I hit absolute rock bottom. I think sleeping all day at school made me feel better. And all of these compliments:

cb7895 (7:38:46 PM): i REALLY like reading your blog. you think a lot like me.

tdisen (10:40:24 PM): thank you for quoting me...i felt special:-D

the duktape man (10:43:06 PM): hey your xanga feeilngs thing hit the spot for me

RelientDay (9:59:35 PM): i like your blog bunches

Thanks guys, I write for people like you!

When I came home from work, I all of the sudden was bombarded with IMs. It was a little much, but I enjoyed it because I don't talk online much, and usually when I do it's only to Nick or Connor. But tonight it was a thousand people. And tonight it was also a thousand serious conversations. Plus a phone call. So if I seemed slow guys, it's just because I had a lot going on. I still love all of you.

They part that was wierdest about tonight is what everyone said to me. Tim talked about Bush/Americans accepting homosexuality for what it is. Scott asked me about friendships. Martin and I discussed real love. Travis and I talked about gossip. Nick and I talked about it all. Mostly about all the things we're upset about. That's not as weird as the others. Aubrey and I talked about lies. I don't know if it's really a small world afterall, or if I only saw the relationships in one conversation to another aspect of my life because it was all flying around in my head so fast. But it all made me think. And I think I'm upset.

How long can you go around faking your feelings, emotions, and thoughts? I, appearantly, can only go a few weeks before it all blows up and I just can't take it any longer. I'm so ready for everything to end. Let it all be over and done with.

It's been less than a month, and I've already lost it. I just hate being fake! But I hate being unhappy. So I hate this. And yeah, I know hate is a strong word.

It's easier when your build your life around God, instead of friends because he doesn't move or go away or get too busy for you. Or change his mind. He's got your back, through thick and thin. And he's entertaining, too. I know. Jesus is my friend.

I love it when I read exactly what I need:

You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.
-Isaiah 26:3

I told you to build your life around him.

The greenest trees you'll ever see
Are the ones in your mind.
And all the answers and all the dreams
Will come to you in time.

Yeah, you are living life
The way you feel.

I know the world around you
Everyone shares the sky.
You never see darkness,
You are the daylight.

Yeah, you are living life
The way you feel.

Go away with a smile.
Don't forget about your past.
Don't keep yourself from giving.
I am always watching you
Be yourself and stayin' true
'Cause it makes me feel like life's worth living.

The way you feel.

I've never minded where you're going.
I know that change is a part of you.
I'm not gonna hide anymore, I'm gonna listen to myself
And maybe one day I can be real too.

Yeah, you are living the life,
Yeah you are, you are living the life.
Don't you know that you are living life.
The way you feel.
And that is real.

Living Life- Ben Kweller.

Well today was a long day right? I stayed up pretty late last night, so when my alarm clock went off at 7 this morning, I opted to hit the snooze button. Only I haven't quite gotten the hang on my new alarm clock yet, so I couldn't remember which button was my snooze button. I had a 50/50 chance. But I hit the off button instead. I woke up at 8:33, 13 minutes after honor band starts. I decided it would be best to not got to band and get in trouble, so I took my time getting ready, and studied for my German test. I was going to do the math homework I didn't do last night, but my internet was broken. Also, I broke my necklace. I thought it was going to be a very bad day. But actually it wasn't.

I went to the rest of school, and then just after 4th period, I found out I had sectionals! So I rushed home, grabbed some stuff I need, and ran out to hollywood then the grocery store. Then I was heading to school about 3:30 and I was actually just walking over to Nick's car to put a note on it, see, when I heard this bottle rolling across the parking lot. I turned to look, and out of no where this guy TACKLES ME! It was Nick. His teacher let him out of class early for no good reason. So we went to the bank, then to sectionals. And somewhere in there I ate some cookies and gave away some cookies, but I forgo them and left them at school. They'll be there overnight...

Sectionals were boring but short, so it's ok. Then Nick and I went shopping for his mom's birthday present, since her birthday is today. At the mall, this one guy said howdy to Nick. It was funny. And then free dinner at Boston Market because the sidekicks are such good players (playoff game tomorow night! I'm excited!!) Then we warmed up for years. Then our concert took a few more years. I'm 30 now, by the way.

My parents are out of town, and I like that. Mom is staying at the hotel where we're taking prom pictures, not senior pictures. She's on a retreat sort of thing with her red hat society club thing. And Dad is somewhere for a few nights, then he'll be home one night and then be gone for a few more. I don't really keep track anymore. I heard this thing on the radio this afternoon about families who are really rich that always go to lots of nice places and have nice things but never see one another and the kids raise themselves and are very independent, but when they grow up, they only think of themselves, just like their parents. I hope that doesn't happen to me.

P.S., you have 56 minutes left, according to my clock, to file your taxes. I would know, my dad's an accountant.

Sectionals got moved all around. He said "what is this? what is this?" in that weird way that he always says it. He was very unhappy, but for some reason yelled at just about everyone BUT Greg, who was late today and didn't even come yesterday. Odd, I say.

I found out today that Jennifer Gillings has pre cal with the same teacher as me. This is not the first time this has happened. But I can't remember how many times this has happened. I know, because I saw a test with her name on it on the top of a stack. She got a 95. Good job Jennifer.

After sectionals got all moved and stuff, I went and ate a successful meal with Nick Glassey at Wendys. Soon I shall head off to work.

I'm really into Isaiah. I read about 20 pages last night. That's a lot, when you're reading from the bible. Today I can't read as much, because I'm actually busy. And I have to do a homework check online tonight for math. Someone remind me. And I need Dad to give me money, because I'm running out. I guess I'll have to get a job. No, I have one, I just don't work at it. Except for right now. Bye.

Here it is, once and for all: Why I Don't Want To Go To College.

Once upon a time, I was accepted to Baylor, then A&M, and I was deciding between them. It took me a while, but I finally zoomed in on tamu and decided that was the better place for me. Then I got a letter from Trinity, a tiny school in San Antonio I fell in love with once a long time ago. Suddenly, 3 options was too much for me to handle, and I flipped out.My feet haven't found the ground yet... By May 1st, I have to have a letter postmarked to one of these schools indicating them as my final decision. My dad kept pressuring me to pick one, and I still didn't know, so I said Trinity. We sat down one night and filled out the paper work to accept all my scholarships and picked a major and everything and mailed it in. The end, you would think. Then I woke up in the middle of the night and started filling out the form to ask for my money back, and I filled out all the forms to be an aggie, but I couldn't find my checkbook and I fell back asleep.

Trinity is a good school. They have really smart kids, a small acceptance rate. They're small, about the size of CHS. They have hallympics (dorm v. dorm olympics). The campus is really pretty. The dorms are super, super nice (everyone has their own walk in closet, bathrooms are shared between suites, private balconies, maid service). They have a really nice cafeteria with tons of options and tasty food. I got lots of money in scholarships. The library is massive and beautiful. The theater program is intense. The River Walk is close by, just like Fiesta Texas and I guess the Alamo if you're into that sort of thing.

But A&M is appealing to me for different reasons, which is what makes them so hard to compare. I never wanted to go there in the first place. I guess you could say this whole thing is Nick's fault. I wanted to go to UT, but we took a campus tour and I ended up not liking it at all. Then on the way back (kind of on the way...) my dad drove Nick and I to A&M. And I loved it. I could see myself there. I didn't like the one place where you can't walk on the grass, but I liked how they show movies in this one theater, and I could see myself going there, and I could see myself shopping in their little bookstore and I could see myself studying in that library and I could see myself going out with friends to those restaraunts. And that's the difference.

Trinity has so many great things. But A&M just felt a better color for me... [shallow comparison]-----> It's like when I was shopping for my prom dress, and I absolutely loved the light blue one- everything about it! But the pink just looked better on me than light blue, so I got it... I still want that blue dress, but I know this pink one will make me very happy.


And another thing! I hate how people talk about college all the time! Because everyone is looking forward to it but me, since I don't even know if I'm going to the right place. My dad goes to A&M once every week or two to recruit people, and he always tells them about me, and they always tell him it's a great place and I should go there. But the lawyer lady who works with my dad went to Trinity and she's just like me, dad says, and she loved it and says I have to go there! And it's not just them. Nick says stuff like "I was in English today and my whole table is all going to A&M but so is this one girl and we were talking about how we're going to see her when we're there and it'll be bad." But that's not so bad afterall, because I won't see anyone I know, and I'll be scared and lonely. I want friends to be with me where ever I go.

And don't tell me I'll make new friends in college. I'm sure I will. But I finally like the friends I've got now! And don't tell me we'll keep in touch since we have AIM and cell phones. Because before this weekend I hadn't seen Diana in months. And I never talk to Steph Sneakers either. They were my two best friends less than a year ago. No one can say that they'll have enough time to keep up with everyone they were best friends with in high school. But I bet it's a lot easier if you still see them all the time.

I like the way things are going now, without me in college. And I don't want them to change, ok?

Once for April Fools day we told Mrs. Smith I got accepted to Harvard, and she seemed to think that was a great place to go! Maybe I'll go there instead.

Today seemed very long. But at the same time it doesn't feel like 10:30 yet. Maybe 8. Do you hear that clock? Presto Change-o! Or not. Anyhow, I woke up, then the fab four did basically the same plan as Friday, except this time it worked. And, I suppose, since we were pretending it was Friday, we even went there to eat. Our waitress wasn't pretty, but she got the check to us right away when we asked. The movie was alright. There wasn't anything bad about it I guess, but I wasn't exactly in the mood for it. I hadn't read anything about it and I didn't know what it was about before we went. I thought it was a comedy.

Then Baskin Robbins. Many flavors. But the wrong people were working, so it wasn't free. My dad always groans when I tell him what I got/gave free that day. He always tells me to remind him that when he gets older and opens his own business to never ever ever hire teenagers because we give away too much stuff. He's right though. But I don't care, I'll enjoy my free stuff as long as I can. Just like I'll enjoy eating my kid's meals at restauraunts as long as I can. And YOU can't stop me.

Then home. And homework. Blech. School tomorrow. Blech. I wish there were more long weekends like this. I'm glad next week is a 4 day week (though it looks like it shall be very full, with band every day...) and the week after that is a 4 day week. Short weeks make me mucho happy. Where is my family?

In addition to watching a lot of TV, I've totally reconnected with oldies and country music this week. Do I have terrible taste or what!! :)

One of the first songs my dad ever taught me just came on the radio... "I can't get no.... satisfaction" I was adorable singing it when I was Baby Ashley, I'm sure.

Ooh! And I've gained 2 1/2 pounds! I'm on my way to my goal for prom! This 4 meal a day thing really works...

And this made me laugh: tdisen (11:11:36 PM): jeremiah managed to sneak in 1 or 10 solos

Hi! Today was good because even though I woke up late, and I missed two services, I went to them in my dreams. So that was alright. And Elizabeth and Aubrey said I'm hot. And Nick even remembered the first time I wore that dress! He's got a photographic memory, you know... And then I didn't do anything Eastery, I guess becuase my family doesn't really believe in God a lot... if any. But I watched some TV and ate some chips, and then I went to Ruach at 6. Ruach is good. Even though Ray is a little crazy sometimes, he's a very nice and good hearted and I like him.

After Ruach, Scott and Nick and I went to eat which was nice because I never see Scott anymore in light of recent events. So hanging out with him is cool. He's funny. AND he started sneezing when we were in line at CiCi's, and who would be behind us but the Hsus! I love Steph Sneakers, and I miss her a lot! So that was a real treat. After that we were supposed to go with Larry and Aubrey and some others, but things didn't happen that way.

Tonight was also my dad's birthday dinner because his birthday is tomorrow but he will be at UT I think, or A&M, I can't remember. He's been recruiting students a lot lately.

Tomorrow we're going to give Diana-Ashley day another try, which rocks. Becuase she rocks. So we'll use our free passes to see the movie we wanted to see in the first place, and it will be good.

On top of all that, things with Nick are go exceptionally well, and I'm still looking forward to prom a lot. It looks like our camping plans might have been ruined by band. No real suprise there. Yay for four day weekends! This one has felt as long as spring break, and it's way fun. Yay for weekends, Yay for Easter, Yay for I Love Lucy.

This has been like the best weekend ever, and it's only saturday afternoon so far! It's only half over! Thursday afternoon feels like so long ago... I went and ate Long John Silvers after school, which is always really good, with Nick, and that's always fun. I told him lots of stories. After a while, I went to church, and church is good too! I can't remember what happened after church. Yes I do! We went to Chili's Too, a ton of us did. And I taught the little Atkins girl a tricky way to play telephone. It was a blast. And Nick drove my car. That's not allowed.

Then Friday I woke up and got ready to have a Diana-Ashley day! It was great, I hadn't seen her in forever! Diana, I heart you! It was way fun, we all met at my house, minus Nick because he had to do some stuff for his mom. We went and picked him up and went to Logan's (we being Nick, Diana, me, Conrad, and Martin). They have good free bread, which we practically inhaled, and a goofy waiter who did some weird stuff with money when we paid. Then we took Conrad home and went to a movie, which didn't work, but that's ok becuase we saw a different one, plus got coupons for free ones! AND my popcorn didn't cost me anything becuase I had coupons for that too! So yay for free things! Then we went and walked around the lake at Andy Brown, which was also free, and fun because Martin is a baby. Then we went to Martin's house and had free ice cream in a cone and everything. It was great. Then we went to the grocery store and bought tomatos I think. Then to my house and watched a little TV till it was time for everyone to leave.

Then I went to church again. Good Friday always has the best service. And it's dark and scary and good and I really liked it a lot. After that, the group split up like it always does... don't even get me started on that... then I was heading home, but Nick suggested we go eat, so I said CiCi's, but when we got there it was closing. So we ordered an Alfredo pizza (my favorite) for take out, then went to Albertson's and bought cheap drinks, plus dessert for Nick becuase he's worth it. Then we folded down the seats in the back of his car and had a spontaneous picnic in the parking lot. It was a great ending. When I got home, I decided it was time to rearrange my room, so I did until about 12:30, when my mom came upstairs and told me to stop sleep-walking. I wasn't really sleep-walking at all.

Today I mostly just finished moving furniture around. I like this a lot better. It feels like I have a lot more room, but mostly I love it because it's easier for me to lay down and watch TV, plus it's different from before, and I'm in this weird mood where I really need some change. Around lunch time, I made lunch, and then decided to make brownies. Then Nick called and I told him to eat some, so he came over after a while and we channel surfed while he ate a brownie and drank a lot of Hawaiian Punch. And played with cats.

Then I went to work. Nick brought me dinner, which was very nice of him. Thank you very much Nick! And Mr. Gray came in twice, and I miss him so much! He was the best band director ever, and he remembered me, which TOTALLY made my day. And he told me about his new church and I want to go to it some time. And I figured out that the reason I don't like working anymore is that I only got the job in the first place so that I would have something to occupy my time while all of my friends had Sound Of Music. But now that SOM is over, I suddenly don't want to work anymore, I want to hang out with them instead. Especially because Annette, Jeff, Martin, Chad, David, and David are gone. And the people left are not good. But I talked with the new Assi Manager the other night, and he seems pretty decent, and Christy was really nice to me today and even deleted a late fee without me asking, and I worked with Jeremy we got along really well, so it's not something I dread anymore. Plus, I only work one night a week or less, so it's not like it steals all my time away from being with my friends.

I just wish every weekend could be as great as this weekend. If I was always in this good of a mood, like would be awesome. But for now I'll just enjoy it as it comes.

I haven't watched TV for the longest time. Sometimes maybe when I come home from somewhere, my parents will be downstairs watching something and I'll see it as I pass by, but I never even turn the one in my room on. But now I started watching it again, and I remember how much I miss it! Now that I don't work as much anymore, I could watch it whenever I want! I'm glad TV is always there for me, even when I ignore it for two trimesters...

I don't want to change people. Sometimes I just I could change what they think or believe. Do you believe in fate? Or coincidences? Or the will of God? I struggle with all of those concepts, and I usually believe the one that I want to in a particular situation. I don't want to be a controlling person, I really don't. I just wish I could change certain things... It kills me to sit by and watch everything go by wrong. I hate thinking there's absolutely nothing I can do about it! I want to believe that everything is the will of God, that he does have a plan for everyone, and we're just following it. And I know I'm not supposed to understand every part of a plan he presents. Is this really the plan for my life? Wat happens if I don't want to follow it...

The people in my neighborhood are awesome right? The kids all now each other and the dads play catch in the front yard with their son's on Sunday afternoons. The moms and daughters sit on the porch drinking iced tea, watching the dog wrestle with the guys in the house. They're great. We also have ducks, which I missed having from my old house (I'll never forget you, Fred and Lulu) but Horace and Janet are my new pets. Along with those bunnies I just discovered, Taylor and Taylor. Yes, the people and animals here are very friendly.

So are the lawn people. Most everyone who lives here hires this one service (except for 3 or 4 who take care of their own lawn). They're great because they do not only just about every house, but also all the landscaping of the neighborhood as a whole. They mow the grass in the roundabout, and clean up the park once a week and take care of the canal and everything. So they're here every day but Sunday. And they're very nice fellows. They always stop edging or blowing or mowing or whatever when a family who is on their evening walk goes by or even when a car drives by, and they always stop to wave. It's very nice.

Today at church Jeremiah sang my favortie favorite hymn. But he sang it all sad and pretty, and I always sang it all happy and fun. But Larry said he did that because this is a sad time, not a happy time. I suppose he's right. Today I tried to explain Lent to Wen Zhong. He's not Christian. But I don't know very much so I couldn't say very much. I'd rather say a little, and be right, then say a lot and make some assumptions.

And I called my mom, and she still says I can't go camping at a house of the lady who plays piano at the church while she and her husband are there, even though my mom won't be home that weekend. But then she put Dad on the phone, and he actually said yes! Talk about reversing the roles in my family...

But it shall be fun, because there are fun people, and a lake, and horses, and a river, and you can make fires, and it's not very far away, but far enough, and I'm looking forward to it very much. And no Nick, I don't know how to post pictures except in a Xanga, because I am HTML illiterate, and I don't even know where to start. Will you teach me?

I'm looking forward to prom a lot. Even though it brings me one step closer to graduation, which is a step I'm not thrilled about yet, I still think prom is going to be a ton of fun. For many a-reason:

1) I get to get my hair done and my nails done.
2) I get to spend a lot of money on dresses and nice things like that.
3) I get to wear a pretty flower from a pretty boy.
4) I get to take my picture with a bunch of cool people in a pretty place.
5) I get to go to dinner at a nice place (a place without a kids menu) and eat nice food.
6) I get to ride in a nice car (Even if we don't know which one yet).
7) I get to go to prom because I'm a senior.
8) I get to go bowling late at night in my prom dress.
9) I get to go swimming even later at night in a heated pool.
10) I get to make smores outside on a real fire.
11) I get to watch all kinds of movies I like until the morning comes.
12) I get to spend hours and hours with my three best friends in the world!

Basically, I can't wait. And even if some of our plans got changed for whatever reason, I still think it is going to be a ton of fun! The only thing that would be more fun is if the 4 of us could rent out Six Flags for the night for free. That would be cool.

Life makes me laugh. Things just don't make sense! Inconsistency is making things totally uncomprehensible for me. The only thing I can do is give it to someone bigger and better than me to figure out for me. And yay for not going to any classes today except for band, in which I did even less than usual, and getting 7 1/2 or 8 hours for NHS! I'm on my way to being a member in good standing, and I got to skip school doing. That's my kind of club.

I'm starting to forget things. Not dumb stuff like who wrote some book or who won the American Revolution (haha, just kidding) but stuff that's even more important to that. Like who took me to see I Know What You Did Last Summer when it first came out. Or where was my first kiss. Or who was my best friend when I was 9.

The sad thing is, I can look up the author of a book or the outcome of a war, but things like that... I'll never know again.

On the other side of that, I started forgetting when I have things to do. I always remember "oh, it's Thursday afternoon. I can't eat dinner at home tonight because I'm supposed to do something" but I can never remember what. Or I forget my friend's favorite color or food or something. It makes me sad, especially when I forget stuff about friends, because it seems like I don't care. I do, I guess I'm just not eating the right foods. Don't prunes make your memory better? Or maybe I'm just getting Alzheimers earlier than usual, because I used to hand out with Nana and Grandad so much.

Oh and I just remembered I don't know how I can go to sunrise service with Nana like I do every year if I have to be at church at 7:30, and that makes me sad too. But even through all those sad thoughts, I'm still having a good day. Becuase tomorrow is the blood drive, so I don't have to go to German, and that makes me happy, and then Friday is the start of a Diana-filled 4 day weekend, which also makes me happy. And so with that happy note, I'm going to go check the mail and see if Nick's very late birthday present has come yet.

God can add nothing to the happiness of those who love one another but to give them unending duration. After a life of love, an eternity of love is an augmentation indeed; but to increase in its intensity the ineffable felicity which love gives to the soul in this world is impossible, even with God. God is the plentitude of heaven; love is the plentitude of man.

^ From Les Mis ^

Once upon a time, this was only supposed to be a blog for stories and jokes and interesting thoughts. Then I ran out of time to think of stuff like that, so I don't write anything. I used to think when people used these as diaries, they were boring. And I like to be different. But I think not updating at all is more boring than telling people about my life. So from now on, I'll write whatever I feel like. If it's a story, great. If it's a rant, don't read it if you don't want to. If it's about my dad, then be interested. At least now I'll update!