Girls in black and white. 

Hooray for fun people! And cameras that take your picture 10 seconds after you push the button, so that you have enough time to get all the way back to your seat and smile! 

Wow. I'm in such a good mood. I don't think anything can bring me out of this for a while. Also, I'm finally getting around to cleaning my room. Which is not fun, but having a clean room is... soothing I guess. A dirty room stresses me out. And I haven't cleaned in a long time. And I like my Relient K cd! And my cat fell asleep on my while I'm sitting here and I love him cus he's always nice to me...

Yesterday I was in a pretty fantastic mood most of the time, minus a few slip ups with my madre. But I bounce back! And then even last night I slept for like 12 hours. I was sooo sick. Gross. But I was still in a good mood, if you can be in a good mood while you're sleeping.

Today I'm not tired at all! So I'm in a good mood. And I even kind of talked to mean people today, and didn't get all peeved like normal. And I actually really enjoyed Kathy's sermon, which I never do. And I went to lunch with Nick and his sister and 3 people I'd never met before, which I don't really like to do, but I'm glad I did because they were soo cool! I wish I had a family like that! Nick's more blessed than he realizes...

Hello, this is me, typing from my brand spankin new laptop! It's pretty. I guess my other computer isn't old or slow, it's actually kind of nice. But this is a laptop! And woo! See, today was a very good day. This whole weekend has been good so far. Let me tell you why:

I don't have to go to school anymore. I know that's been a thing for me for a while now, but now it's official, and I on't ever have to go anymore for anything, even band.

I got to go on one last trip with all my friends! Austin was fun after all!

I did well, and the bus rides were fun. (I like it when I say "hay!" and point out the window because people think I'm saying "hey!" and pointing to something interesting.)

I got Nick a present he likes.

Mr Villarreal told me he liked my skirt and my hair ad congratuations and he gave me a hug.

On the way home, we were running late, so I was late to work, so Jonathan called and said I don't even have to go in tonight.

There was a package from Dell sitting on my kitchen table when I got home, and since both my parents were out of town, they don't even know it!

So yay for good weekends. And starting tomorrow there are a whole bunch of graduation parties!! Yay! And I'll go see Harry Potter on Friday!!

What's up dude?
I'm getting kind of bored.
Let's get some food
And then hit movies 4
What's going on?
What's up with all our friends?
Let's start a rumor
Just to find out where it ends.
Cause a small town like this is like a small stage
for teenagers and their drama.
Instead of playing shows
we'll be showing plays
like 90210 without the beverly hills.

Well, don't you think its high time
that we never settle down.
Well don't you think it's high time
that we get out of this town
cause if we leave then we just might be okay.
Hoopes i did it again
I messed everything up and I think I hurt my friends
Hoopes I did it again
Relationships that work are things that I can't comprehend

Relient K

Or this hair? 

Which hair is better? This hair? 

Me and Stephanie Sneakers! 

Yesterday was such a great day! I didn't see my mom all day, see. That sounds so mean. But all I mean by that is that we didn't fight at all cus we didnt see each other. And the awards assembly was really boring, but I did sit by some cool people, so I wasn't asleep or anything. And I got to stand up or walk to the front a few times, so I felt special.

Then Six Flags was a lot of fun. I rode there with Martin, Daniel, Greg, and Nick. But first, we needed to go to Jack in the Box because Daniel needed a big straw and the rest of us were hungry. Our order took forever. And my mom was behind us in line which was really weird. But I pretended like I didn't see her. Then we drove a long way to six flags. When we got there, we met up with these two other girls that I've never seen before. One was annoying at first, but either she grows on you or she calmed down or I got used to her, because by the end of the night I thought she was funny. I think we rode about everything... Nick and I got drinks instead of going on one ride with the rest of them, and then after that they went to Texas Giant but we went to Titan and Runaway Mountain, and then we met back up with them and rode Batman some more. It was really cool because it wasn't hot, we didn't get sunburned, it wasn't raining, and the lines were short. Which is the best kind of day to have at six flags. And for some reason, even the rides that usually make me kind of woozy didn't even phase me. I felt great! It was fun. Then after it closed, we used Daniel and Greg's 50 percent discount at Saltgrass. It was good, but I wasn't hungry after a funnel cake.

Then we went to Hollywood to rent some movies which martin bought milk. So we went to Martin's to get cars, I went to my house to change, and then to Nick's to watch the movie. I missed the first part though because nick is a band nerd and we had to watch the ld bell marching show. I think we were just too lazy to pause or rewind. It was good though. Then I came home and chatted for a sec. I thought it was almost 10, but I was so tired, so I went to bed. When I woke up this morning, i realized my clock was an hour behind. I dunno why. I was gonna go to first period, but I still felt kinda sick when I woke up.

While I was in the shower this morning I guess, Anderson came and took my horn. I don't know how my mom knew where it was. He went to fix it, so I can play on Friday. I was upset, because he doesn't do well, but I saw him after 4th period, and he'd already fixed it, and I took it out, and it's nice. He did a good job. So yesterday and today were very good days!

I owe every ounce of immature meaness I have (and that's a lot, I know) to my mom. Must be from the way she raised me.

Today, my dad told me she wasn't even going to come to the awards assembly that she made such a big deal about unless I invited her myself. But she was sleeping by the time I got home from church this morning and she was still taking a nap when I left for choir at 4:15. So after all the church business was over, I called her from dinner. Dad answered and I asked to talk to her. He was gone for a moment, I could hear mumbling. Then he came back and said "what is it I can settle for you" and I said, "no, I just wanna invite her to the thing before she goes back to sleep." Then he said "well... she doesn't want to talk to you." That is so second grade. My mom is giving me the silent treatment. Holy cow. So I was like fine, whatever, and I enjoyed the rest of my dinner.

Then I came home, and I was thinking about what dad told me earlier today when we went shopping. He said it was his fault in reality that we left the banquet early. He doesn't like that sort of thing. And he also said it's his dream that I hug Mom and tell her I love her and then invite her to the banquet. I said dream on. Anyhow, when I got home, I went to Mom's room and I said "Mom?" No answer. Then Dad came out from the kitchen and I asked where she was. She was in the closet he said. "Mom?" "WHAT." "Will you come here and talk to me?" then, after about 2 and a half minutes of me standing, wondering if she was going to come, she slammed something down and came and stood and the doorway, and stared at me. "is that a no?" I said. She's like... "i'm here, aren't I?" I said, "fine, can we go talk without dad?" So we went to the kitchen. We talked for about 20 minutes. I apologized for part of the banquet because I found out it wasn't her that made me leave early. And she said I always snap at her, since January. I said, "exactly, since all state tryouts, when I didn't make it. I remember." and we argued on and on and it was terrible and we got absolutely no where and it was a waste of my time. She told me I'd been avoiding her ever since I started school in kindergarten. I don't remember kindergarten, so I suppose I can't promise I wasn't avoiding her, but I seriously doubt it...Circles and circles and circles. So I told her all the times I thought for the senior thing, and she's like "well I'm not going" and I'm like "fine, Mom. Really cool.I did exactly what you wanted, I apologized, and you still won't come." I'm at a brick wall! There's nothing else I can do!

So then I came upstairs. And I got in bed. And she came up a few minutes later and said "I found this" and dropped a sheet of paper on my bed. I got up after she left and turned on the light, and it's a letter, I guess mailed to the parents, describing in DETAIL all of tomorrow. Exactly the details she was yelling at me last night for not knowing. And she just magically found it, at 11 at night. Magic. Liar. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is a huge reason why I'm as mean as I am. Now, someone teach me the cure?

When I cry, I hide in my closet. The last time I hid there was a little after all state try outs when I didn't make it and my mom screamed at me. For forever. It was terrible. So I went and hid in the corner of my closet with the lights off and made a fortress with a bunch of pillows and stuffed animals and I was safe.

We haven't really gotten along much since then. Sometimes it's my fault, but I think most of the time it's hers. Maybe I only think that because I'm me and she's her and who likes to blame themself. But important things always manage to get ruined.

Sometimes we go without speaking for days, maybe a week or two at a time. People always think I'm exaggerating. Anderson, for instance, tells me to ask my mom things, and I tell him I can't beause we don't speak. He always says "yeah right" but he doesn't know. She yells a lot, but I haven't returned to the closet since all state until tonight. Tonight was terrible. Like, I can't even begin to describe. But I will anyway because I'm upset and I need to get it out.

I wanted to wear my black skirt. My pretty one. But she made me go and change into the blue one, the dress that I JUST wore less than a week ago. So I complained, but she wouldn't let me into the car. So I changed. Then we went, and she picked her seat or whatever, but then she complained, because she couldn't see the entire time. I guess that was my fault? And I didn't put enough thought into my senior will. And I didn't let her take enough pictures. There were no more people to take pictures with! All the people I said I wanted to take a picture with she said no! Then she wanted to leave, but I wasn't done talking to everyone... There were so many people I hadn't even seen yet! Like Scott and Amy Brogniez and a bunch of others! But SHE felt like leaving so I only even had a chance to say goodbye to Nick, not even Stephanie or Diana. Dad said we should leave too. He says "it's better for her to yell in the car or at home than here, Ashley." Then, in the car on the way home, she got mad at me for ruining HER SENIOR BANQUET. Excuse me, but if I cussed, this is the place where I would do it. What the heck is she talking about her senior banquet and how the heck did I ruin it?!? That made me so mad. Her senior banquet. And I ruined it. Well, I am so sorry I did exactly what she said, wore the dress she told me to, sat where she told me to, left when she told me to, took pictures with the people she told me to. That totally sucks that I ruined her banquet and I feel so bad for her.

Basically, between Aubrey and Mom, I'm just sick of people hating me. If I hated someone, I think I would get tired of yelling at them and being mean to them. I think I would at first probably, becuase when you hate people you have a lot of emotion to express, but I think after that I would just... not be nice, but not be so... enthusiastic in my hatred. Or maybe I'd try to throw a little distance in there. Yeah. If you hate me, just stay away from me! That way, if I do something totally hateable, you won't be there to witness it, and it won't make you hate me more. Good.

I think sometimes you have to take the good with the bad. The bad teaches you things. The good is good.

Having bad friends are important. Seriously. Because if you don't have a few crappy ones, you won't realize how awesome the good ones are! And then you wouldn't appreciate them the way they fully deserve to be appreciated!

If you have a week of good days, they only seem mediocre. But if you have a week of bad days, then one medium day, it seems great! Good and bad are relative. Like dynamics. Ooh.

Bad friends exist to remind you good friends are good! And I would like to take a moment out of my life to send a warm hello to my greatest friends:

Ladies first (because it was so hard losing both of my best girl friends at the same time, even though they were so many grades apart):
Stephanie Hsu: YOU are the funniest kid on the face of the planet. I hate that you go to TAMS, because it's been terrible not seeing you all the time this year. I'm sorry we haven't talked more. But your text messages always make me smile. Especially the really bad jokes. I always go tell them to people right away. Even the ones I don't get! Thank you for when you always used to let me borrow your french horn so I could pretend I knew what I was doing. And thanks for being a very un-asian asian. Oh! Except for the time you bought me chocolate from the Chinese store! That was good. You can be asian then. And I'm sorry I accused you of graduating.

Diana: I've feel like I've known you for sooo many years, although I guess it hasn't been but a few after all. I think that's just because you're always around when I wanna talk to you. You're good at listening to me when I need help or when I just need to complain. Spring trip was soo much fun last year! And last summer, all the Diana-Ashley days. Those will never end! And I love it when you drive all the way to town so the fab four can hang out and then don't tell your parents and just drive back the same night. I also miss the fab four a lot. Thank you for keeping me sane in times of insanity. I know I'm one to freak out, and I'm sorry all the times I'm mean. Next year is going to be so much fun you won't believe it. Make sure to keep an extra set of sheets around for me for whenever I drop by unexpectedly!

Now for boys:
Martin: Did you ever know I consider you one of my best friends? I do. We're not serious, but you sure are a lot of fun. I feel like I've known you practially as long as I've known my parents. I still remember when you wanted to vote for Dole in elementary school. Some day we'll be voting for you, becuase my dad always says you'll be president one day. I've probably been to about a thousand parties at your house, and you've been to about a thousand at mine. You make challenge soo much more interesting. You're so easy to talk to. I know you are either super good at keeping secrets or really really crappy at it, I just never figured out which. You're the one friend I've constantly had since i was little. I'm glad your name is near mine in the alphabet.

Nick: The best for last? You're so much. You've taught me so much. I never told you, but you've always been my religious mentor. I look up to you in that aspect. I feel like for the past 2 years almost I've seen you or talked to you just about every day (which is probably way too much). And when I couldn't, I made a blog so I could tell you about everything that was going on anyway. I've watched you change sooo much since I first really met you. You're completely different person now. And now that I've seen baby pictures, I realize you've changed a lot since then too. You, more than anyone else, have always been there for me to call on. If I got in a wreck I bet I'd call you before my parents. I can never thank you enough for being such a big part of my life and helping me make my biggest decisions. I never tell you how much I appreciate you, but I do. Because of you, I now eat Mexican food. That is truly an amazing accomplishment, and you should be proud of that.

I don't agree with the way my parents spend money. I think they waste a lot of it. And Frau too. She is a teacher, and her husband goes to nursing school and has no job, but they bought a plasma tv. A really big one. I think that's silly.

My dad leaves the house about 5 every weekday morning because he goes to his gym downtown and works out before work. But his gym shut down. So, instead of branching out and finding a new gym, he just bought a whole bunch of new gym equipment. We already had a stationary bike and tredmill and nordictrac and weight lifting bench thing and a chinups bar, but he also bought a bunch of new contraptions that are being delivered and installed right now. I think that's silly. And I also hope he doesn't wake me up early in the morning this summer when I'm trying to sleep and he's trying to ride a stationary bike.

Would make a better senior song than the crappy party one we have? Ashley thinks so...

Not Done Yet

It's been one of those days for a lot of days now,
I need a day where the world can take care of itself.
This isn't what I wanted,
How I thought my life would turn out,
And I wonder if it's like this from here on out.

Sometimes life gets you,
But we go on.
Sometimes life gets you,
We're still going on.

We're not done yet,
not going quietly into the night,
Not me and my friends.
We're not done yet,
Don't take it too seriously,
It's just life
We'll win in the end.
And we walk on and on and on and on.
And we walk on and on and on.

It's been one of those days for too many days now,
I did a thing that I didn't want to do again.
I fell down in the place where I always fall down.
And I want to give up and let it be, what a friend.

Sometimes life gets you,
But we go on.
Sometimes life gets you,
We're still going on.
We're not done yet,
Not going quietly into the night,
Not me and my friends.
We're not done yet,
Don't take it too seriously,
It's just life We'll win in the end.
And we walk on and on and on and on.
And we walk on and on and on.

It's been one of those days,
But I don't care now,
It was only a day,
And tomorrow's ahead.
I got this far,
And I know that I can ride this one out,
Though I want to lay down,
But I won't quit yet.

Sometimes life gets you,
But we go on.
Sometimes life gets you,
we're still going on.
We're not done yet,
Not going quietly into the night,
Not me and my friends.
We're not done yet,
Don't take it too seriously,
It's just life
We'll win in the end.
And we walk on and on and on.
And we walk on and on and on.

I slept soo well last night. Which I think is odd. I suppose I got home from work about 10:30, then I worked on my English project until about 12:30 when I realized, thanks to Diana, just how late it really was. So I put the project on a disk and crawled into bed. Said my prayers, curled up with a cat, and fell asleep pretty fast. Then I woke up very comfortable this morning about 6:30. I wasn't tired at all. I stayed in bed because it was so warm and soft and nice, and finally got up around 7:30.

I wonder if having good dreams makes me better rested. I suppose normally I have pretty bad dreams, whenever I can remember them, that is. Last night I had 2 or 3 really really good dreams. I woke up smiling, you know? I think maybe them being such good dreams let me sleep better. Or maybe its just that bad dreams make me sleep crappy, so when I have good dreams it feels so much better. But the point of the story is, I wasn't tired at all today. I didn't nap at school at all today. And I only got 5 or 6 hours asleep. If you know me, you know that's not enough.

I also have some words of wisdom for underclassment: Do not be scared of teachers. It took me until a few weeks ago to realize how much I can actually get away with. When was the last time you saw anyone wearing a lanyard? When was the last time you got a detention for eating in class? When was the last time you got you cell phone taken up? When was the last time you even heard about anyone getting caught leaving by Lopez?
*These things are in addition to your normal sleeping in class, running through the hallways sort of things*

I've been doing to much lately and not thinking at all.

Here's all the crap that's floating around in my head that I need to get out:

I'm not dreading college anymore. I'm looking forward to it. There are so many reasons why now, when before there were so many reasons not to go.

a) I need away from my parents. Things are reaching an all time low- and it's mostly my fault. I accuse them of things they don't do. I beg them for things I don't need because I'm spoiled. I take advantage of having two nice and wealthy parents being around. I always take their support as criticism or at least fake. Maybe putting some distance between me and them will help me appreciate them a little more or at least act civil towards them. Plus it will be good for them becuase they want to start traveling now.

b) I used to be afraid of losing all the great friends I have here. Now I'm not afraid, because I realized I don't have many. I know that I know a lot of people, and I know I have I guess a decent number of friends, but most of them are fake. And I'm NOT criticizing. I know I can be way more than fake. I know I'm a terrible friend to a lot of people. I'm not saying any of this to be mean to anyone. And I'm also counting the great friends I have. And to those few: Thank you so much, for making my life as great as it is, and for teaching me all that you have, and for helping me everytime I ask, and for lending me money when I need it (I'll pay you all back today). One time a wise friend once told me that if something is meant to happen, it will. And I believe that. I believe that I will keep in touch with those friends, and spend many a great weekend with them, but I am so glad I'm not coming home for Christmas Break next year, because there are so many people here that I know I won't want to see. That I already don't want to see.

c).

Nevermind, the only two reasons I want to go to college are to get away from losers here. I am a sucker for running away from my problems. I'll let you know in a year if it worked.

My my my. It's been a while, eh? My internet went down Friday night I suppose, which has greatly hindered my chatting online and my ability to do my english project.

But now I'm back! I've been quite busy lately. I want to hang out with Diana and Stephanie, but I'm busy. I have to study for APs, and I have band too much. Too much band. I don't work so much, but I'm alright with that. I'll die from secondhand smoke if I'm there too much.

I went to dinner last night after sectionals with Martin and David, Annette and her husband, and Jeff and his family. Jeff and Annette and David and Martin and I all used to work together. Then Martin went to Abuelo's, and the three of them all transfered to Hurst. So we met and the Abuelo's in Hurst because we had a contest once, and loser had to buy dinner. Martin and I lost, but they cheated. But it was so much fun anyway! Plus I haven't paid Martin back. He just put it all on his card. I miss those kids a lot. And their families were really nice too. I wish they still worked there with me.

I went to coffee house on Friday. I wasn't thouroughly impressed, but overall, it came off much, much better than I expected it to. There were more people there than I thought there would be, the live taping of the acts worked out pretty well, the food was good, the acts were great, and the decorations were cool. So anybody reads this that had anything to do with coffee house, congrats. You guys did a really awesome job.

I had an AP exam today. I sat between Austin Hollis and Nicholas Glassey. Tomorrow I don't know who I'll sit by. Half the fun is the mystery of who you get to share a table with. The other half is knowing you're skipping band and german, and get a super long lunch!

My mom and I have been getting along lately I think.

I shall have a graduation/ birthday party. Friday, June 4th. At 5. At my house. Bring a bathing suit, and a towel. I'll even trade you some hot dogs or hamburgers for presents. Free cake and drinks and stuff, too. And wish me a happy, happy birthday!

Hello. It's me again. And what a day? Not.

I woke up, and took a test for a few hours. Then I had lunch for a few hours. Then I got like a 10 dollar ticket to Six Flags (yay!). Then I went to math. Then I went shopping. Then band. Then Hollywood, the bank, Hollywood, Nick's house, Albertsons, and finally made it home at 9:30. Oh yeah, it's been a tough day.

Christy took my paycheck home with her yesterday. She's a real jerk, and I don't like her. I want to transfer now.

Sometimes I feel very secure, and very sure of myself. Other times I want to jump off a promontory. I get scared. I'm not mature enough to make adult decisions, no way. I can't even dress myself properly!