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On the way to Camp Pike, or maybe on the bus ride back, Aubrey and I and a bunch of other random people that we questioned tried to figure out what the magic age is at which a woman must cut her hair short and make it curly.

Think about it. If you know any old lady, and I'm sure you do, then I bet her hair is short and curly. I understand there are 1 in a million exceptions, but please don't waste my time pointing out the 5 women in America who pull their white hair into a tight bun. The majority of old ladies have short curly hair, and I want to know why.

The question has been bothering us for a while. Is there an unwritten rule somewhere that we don't know yet? (Like that you have to buy a special brand of senior overalls?) Or is it just a fad. Maybe old ladies in the 80s had really long hair. Or maybe its just something they feel like doing.

We asked a bunch of kids when we were on the bus. They didn't know, but we got some funny hypothesis. Then I think we even asked the counselor lady sitting in front of me, but she went to UT, she's dumb. Then today, I rode in a car for a while with my grandma and her sister and my mom. They all have short curly hair and wear a lot of perfume (Nick says they smell so bad becuase they've lost their sense of smell) and I wondered when they cut their hair off, permed it, and why.

I asked my Dad earlier. He told me he didn't know, but to ask my other grandma when we went to her house at dinner. I brought it up over a hot plate of runny mashed potatoes. She was shocked. So was my mother. I reminded dad that he was the one who told me to ask. Then my mother hit him.

Nana told me one day I would just feel ready. I would wake up one morning and have nothing to do, so I would head over to the hairdresser's. My biological clock would tell me when the time has come, and I would feel compelled chop off my hair and curlify it.

My mom said one day I would go to Debra's and she would say "Ashley, this hair really isn't working for you, let's cut it some" then we would enter what I like to call the transitional period. That is when I have semi short hair, like the counselor I spoke of earlier (how said, she's halfway to being an old woman and she doesn't even know it). This period is when you get ready for being an old woman, and get used to how to handle your hair. Then, when your biological clock says so, and your hairdresser agrees, you cut it off.

Therefore, I have decided that if I never cut my hair short, I'll never enter the transitional period. If I never enter the transitional period, I'll never get old. If I never get old, I'll never die. So when you see my at our 50 year high school reunion and my hair is tripping me, it's because I'm afraid of dying naked.