How to be a pre-schooler

1. If you can pick it up, it must be eaten or thrown.


2. If somebody tells you to do something, do the opposite.


3. Answer no to anything asked of you.


4. If it can be knocked over, knock it over.


5. Cats like to have their tails pulled and girls like to have their hair pulled.


6. Anybody of the opposite sex has cooties.


7. Sand works very well as shampoo.


8. As often as possible, take off your clothes or curse when in public.


9. If you see mommy kissing daddy's weenie, it is necessary to tell the whole world.


10. If somebody is fat, ask them how they got that way.


11. They don't really want you to go in the toilet.


12. Mud on white carpet is pretty.