My stuff and stuff

2006-06-22T21:26:00.000-05:00

The Distance- Evan and Jaron

The sky has lost it's color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away
I crawl up in the corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time when you'll be back
You're coming back
I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time
Until the next time I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without saying your name
But I can brave a hurricane
And still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down
But I can't take the distance
I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough
I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time
Until the next time I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without saying your name
But I can brave a hurricane
And still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down
I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time
Until the next time I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
I can't take a breath without saying your name
And I can't take the distance

FFH- Cover Me

2006-01-13T09:02:00.000-06:00

I didn't see this coming
It hit like a big surprise
Like a thief in the night
Stealing away my sunshine
Now I'm crawling on my hands and knees
Looking for the light

It hit me from the blind side
Now I don't know what to do
It hit me from the blind side
I cry out to You
I don't have any answers

Your ways are higher
Your love is stronger
And through this pain
You'll cover me
Your grace is greater
When there are no answers
And through this pain
You'll cover me
And through this pain
You'll cover me

I never thought this could happen
I'm living in my own nightmare
Are You even there?
Hanging on by a thread now
I'm begging for the pain to end
Will it ever end?

It hit me from the blind side
It's getting hard to breathe
It hit me from the blind side
The hurt, it feels so deep
And I don't have any answers

Now each night seems so long
I don't think I'm this strong
How many times can I ask why?
I can't believe this is real

I'm Moving On- Rascal Flatts

2005-11-10T14:51:00.000-06:00

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

Deeper by Delirious?

2005-11-07T20:52:00.000-06:00

I want to go deeper
But I don't know how to swim
I want to be meeker
But have you seen this old earth?
I want to fly higher
But these arms won't take me there
I want to be, I want to be

Maybe I could run
Maybe I could fly, to you
Do you feel the same
When all you see is
Blame in me?

And the wonder of it all is that I'm living just to fall
More in love with you [x2]

I want to go deeper
But is it just a stupid whim?
I want to be weaker
Be a help to the strong
I want to run faster
But this old leg won't carry me
I want to be, I want to be

Maybe I could run
Maybe I could fly, to you
Do you feel the same
When all you see is
Blame in me?

And the wonder of it all is that I'm living just to fall
More in love with you [x2]

Maybe I could run
Maybe I could follow
It's time to walk the path
Where many seem to fall
Hold me in your arms
Just like any father would
How long do we have to wait?
How long, we're going all way

And the wonder of it all is that I'm living just to fall
More in love with you

Wating Room by LaRue

2005-11-07T14:28:00.000-06:00

Time after time, I find myself
Losing my mind, I have to remind myself
That this is just a waiting room
And we're waiting for Your love

Oh, everything will be alright
And everything will be OK
If I don't let this world carry me to sin, to sin, to sin
(to sin to sin to sin)

Time after time, I find myself
Losing my mind, I have to remind myself
That this is just a waiting room
And we're waiting for Your love

And I don't understand how
We could be so blind not to see
The love that stands in front of
In front of you and me

Don't doubt He Loves You

Day after day, I find myself
Looking away, I have to remind myself
That You're there and I belong to You
(to you to you to you)

Day after day, I find myself
Looking away, I have to remind myself
That You're there and I belong to You
(to you to you to you)

Day after day, I find myself
Looking away, I have to remind myself
That You're there and I belong to You
(to you to you to you)

He loves me
He loves you, He loves you, He loves you, He loves me
He loves you, He loves you, He loves you, He loves me
(repeat and fade)

Ashley: Part Time Mafia

2005-04-30T19:57:00.001-05:00

Hi. I'm Ashley. This is my story

This is Nick right before his Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat audition. Sadly, he didn't make it.

This is Nick again, right before his Diet Coke commercial audition. Sadly, he didn't get this part either. After this, his entire world pretty much came crashing down around him.

I decided that in order to cheer up my good friend, I would put on crazy hats and make faces. He didn't laugh. I knew I had to think up something much better...

I thought sending him on a blind date with my friend Minnie would do wonders for the kid. The two really hit it off.

Let's get a close up of that. Right. But it was just a fling, it didn't make him happy. I had to come up with another idea...

I decided to take him to the tiny Merry-Go-Round at McDonald's, but sadly, they've now replaced the toy with an empty, sad fountain. Luckily, I had a plan B.

I decided it would cheer him up if I got him a new car, so we set out to steal one. This is the one we ended up with. It looks pretty nice on the inside, I think...

Sadly, there was a big dent on the outside. The owner was even nice enough to label it for us, but we weren't paying attention when we were hot-wiring it...

Nick still wasn't cheery, so we went to a movie at the awesome dollar theater.

He didn't like the movie, but I noticed he did have his eyes on a pretty little girl in front of us named Diana. I decided it was in Nick's best interest to kidnap her.

We followed her to her house, but when we broke in we could only find this cat... we needed some help if we were serious about finding her and holding her against her will.

So we called Emily. She knows everything that goes on in this one-horse town. She also drives a pretty awesome car. I noted this in case we needed to steal it later.

Emily warned us that in order to get to Diana, we were going to have to go through Martin, her huge asian body guard, first.

Since we now had to kidnap an extra person, we decided it would be wise to invest some time in stealing a bigger car. We didn't want them to be uncomfortable or anything. We settled on this SUV.

We followed Emily's tips to a little place called Coppell where Martin supposedly lived. Luckily this place was only about the size of a q-tip, so we found him right away.

We drugged him up good and threw him in the back of the SUV. With him out of the way, we could go after Diana with no problems.

We were having problems locating her, so we pulled over off the highway and asked my boyfriend if he had seen her. Luckily, she had just driven by not too long ago, so we were able to catch her and kidnap her.

We followed my boyfriend's directions to her house, but there was some road construction. The sudden overbearing amount of orange in the world caused us to almost crash our new stolen car!

Thank goodness we found her. She looks happy here, but she's only smiling because I'm holding both a camera and a gun.

It was starting to look pretty gross outside, like it might rain or something. We decided we needed to find a hideout before the weather broke.

As we were looking for a secure location, Nick spied a very tall tower in Irving very similar to my own tower apartment in San Antonio. We decided this would be the best location to wait out the storm.

Once Martin woke up from the influence of the drugs, it was difficult to make him cooperate. He insisted on calling the cops.

Luckily Nick thinks fast on his feet. He locked him in there good. Heh Heh. Now we had Diana all to ourselves!

However, when he settled down to "get to know" Diana a little, she lit his hair on fire with her lighter. Smoking is such a nasty habit, really.

Nick was devestated. He's already had such a bad day, and now his hair is gone! We tried a hat to cover it, but it just made it more obvious that the back was so long and the front so short.

I said we should just dye it purple and then everyone would be paying more attention to the color instead of the length, but he didn't like that idea, and struggled against me.

Then I said, why don't we put your hair into three pony tails, so that you'll look like a unicorn! Girls love unicorns!

He let me try, but his hair was just so stubborn and the unicorn horn just fell right out... it was tragic.

Then we decided to just do pigtails, and it worked wonderfully! Hoorah!

It worked so well, in fact, that we decided to take another picture of it, just in case the first one didn't come out.

But then the photography crew took a third picture. Don't they know people are never photogenic the third time around? Sheesh, they possibly just ruined this entire story...

Anyway, then Diana and Nick locked eyes and madly, passionately smiled at each other, leaving me to just sadly watch them be happy.. :(

After that, things got a little crazy. I'm not gonna lie, some clothes definitely came off.

Be careful guys. Keep in mind Nick has a higher rollover risk than the average pigtail wearing guy...

Well, watching that was pretty uncomfortable, but I didn't have anywhere to go because my boyfriend was still building a highway somewhere. I didn't have anything to do, so I just went downstairs and hung out with Lulu and Fred, my favorite ducks. That's the last time I ever try to cheer you up, Nick.

Ten Shekel Shirt \ Unashamed Love

2005-04-25T11:32:00.000-05:00

You're calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, Worthy

I open up my heart and let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy

chorus:
Of a child-like faith
And of my honest praise
And of my unashamed love
Of a holy life
And of my sacrifice
And of my unashamed love

Billy Joel- Vienna

2005-03-30T19:57:00.000-06:00

Slow down
You crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you’re so smart, then tell me why are you still so afraid
Where’s the fire? What’s the hurry about?
You better cool it off, before you burn it out
You got so much to do, but only so many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told,
That you can get what you want or you can just get old
Your gonna kick off before you even get half way through
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you

Slow down
Your doin fine
You can’t be everything you wanna be before your time
Although it’s so romantic on the borderline tonight, tonight
To bad that is the life you lead
You’re so ahead of your self that you forget what you need
Though you can see when your wrong, you can’t always see when your right
You got your passion, you got your pride
But don’t you know that only fools are satisfied
Dream on! But don’t imagine they’ll all come true
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you

Slow down
You crazy child
And take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
It’s alright. You can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you.
That u can get what you want or you can just get old
Your gonna kick off before you even get half way through
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you
Why don’t you realize, Vienna waits for you
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you

FFH- Never Gonna Be Alone

2005-03-12T11:18:00.000-06:00

You may think that this song is a little trite
You may be right
You may think that I'm foolish and I
Have a simple mind
But I say we're all the same
We all want the same things out of life

We all wanna be loved, we all wanna belong
We all wanna know it's gonna be alright

That's why Jesus came
And gave his life away
And rose again on the that day
So we could say

I'm ne ne never gonna be alone
'Cause He's around
I'm ne ne never gonna be alone
Alone 'cause He's around
I'm ne ne never gonna be alone
'Cause He's around
I'm ne ne never gonna be alone
Alone 'cause He's around

I know that this life is short
You're up and born and then you're off
You're sitting in class staring at the walls
Walking down the halls and goofing off
Then before you think there's time to blink
You're got a job and you're on your own

Then you get a wife, you get a life
And you wish that you could just move back home

That's why Jesus said
Live every day to its best
And along the way don't forget
He'll take care of the rest, so

All around, all around, all around me
In everything I see
Right beside, far ahead, just
behind me
He'll always be

2005-02-27T21:05:00.000-06:00

1. Take your Blogger username and replace each letter with the corresponding number (A=1, B=2, etc): E=5 N=14 E=5 R=18 G=7 E=5 T= 20 I=9 C=3 5=5 6=6
2. Add all of the numbers together to create a kind of super number: 97
3. Add the digits of the number together: 16
4. Find the post of this number in your Blog. If you don't have that many posts, add the digits together again: September 2, 2002
5. Take the digit you noted in step 3 (or 4 if you added the digits together again), and count that many words into the post: “minutes”
6. Use the resulting word in a Google image search, and select a picture from the first page and post the results:

Dashboard Confessional- Ender Will Save Us All

2005-02-19T12:07:00.000-06:00

It's just like you to contest
you wear it like a label on your breast
don't you see what this takes of me?
A certain callousness complies
with your charm & in your pride
a hopeful look draped in despise.

I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is it you need?
Is it what I need?
I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is it you need?
Is it within me?

It's hard to explain how I am getting by
on so little from you.
It's hard to believe that I would let myself
get so wrapped in you.
There's got to be something that would
be worthwhile for me to give to you.
We need a connection but you
seem to push me far away from you.

The harder I push the further I fall.
Well you don't mind me being headstrong.
But you don't want to sing along.
Maybe it's trite but I can always be wrong
Try not to be wrong.

Rascal Flatts- I'm Movin' On

2005-02-14T20:24:00.000-06:00

Daphne Loves Derby- Tennis Court Soundtrack

2005-01-23T09:40:00.000-06:00

Where have you been?
I've been waiting so long to hear from you
And all the things that we said we would do
Still remains to be nothing more then plans of the past
We've been too quiet for too long
Where is the hope we once had?
It's too late to be saved by your charm
We'll never get this right.
Your words are cold, and the season is too
The comfort in your voice is gone.
Please don't keep in touch.
I'm better off all alone now that you've lost everything I loved
Is this worth the time?
Am I done in your mind?
Will I regret once you're gone?
Why did I ever think that we would be so good?
We've been too quiet for too long
Where is the hope we once had?
It's too late to be saved by your charm
We'll never get this right.
All right, I'm sorry that I even tried.
I was a fool to have hope in you.

Dashboard Confessional- So Beautiful

2005-01-16T17:16:00.000-06:00

I heard that you were home again, but you don't look like your back to me
With your focuses changing your gaze is transfixed on a point that I can't often see
You've got your new ties, I've got my old knots, you've got your inside lines
But your never happy with what you've got

Careful now,
You're so beautiful
When you've convinced yourself
That no one else is quite as beautiful

I heard that you were living well, but you don't look like your living to me
Though the sparkle is gone, the smile is in place so that everyone watching can see
You've got them all convinced, but I know it so well
That you could list your friends, but you can't count on them

Hold it now
You've got everyone convinced that your alright
When no one else is quite as vulnerable

As soon as you got it you want something else
It's not the sale that you love, its the sell
It's not the price that's going to cost you
It's just the weight that's going to bring you
Down, down, down, down

It's going to bring you down, down, down, down, down

Hold it now
You've got everyone convinced that your alright
When no one else is quite as vulnerable

Careful now
Your so beautiful, when you've convinced yourself
When no one else is quite as beautiful

As soon as you got it you want something else
It's not the sale that you love, its the sell
It's not the price that's going to cost you
It's just the weight that's going to bring you
Down, down, down, down

It's going to bring you down, down, down, down, down

As soon as you got it you want something else
It's not the sale that you love, its the sell

It's not the price that's going to cost you
It's just the weight that's going to bring you
Down

Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

2005-01-13T17:24:00.000-06:00

I should have just stayed in Australia. Alexander thinks it's a good enough idea...

ALEXANDER AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY
by Judith Viorst

I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At breakfast Anthony found a Corvette Sting Ray car kit in his cereal box and Nick found a Junior Undercover Agent code ring in his cereal box but in my breakfast cereal box all I found was breakfast cereal. I think I'll move to Australia.

In the car pool Mrs. Gibson let Becky have a seat by the window. Audrey and Elliott got seats by the window too. I said I was being scrunched. I said I was being smushed. I said, if I don't get a seat by the window I am going to be carsick. No one even answered. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

As school Mrs. Dickens liked Paul's picture of the sailboat better than my picture of the invisible castle. At singing time she said I sang too loud. At counting time she said I left out sixteen. Who needs sixteen? I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because Paul said I wasn't his best friend anymore. He said that Philip Parker was his best friend and that Albert Moyo was his next best friend and that I was only his third best friend. I hope you sit on a tack, I said to Paul. I hope the next time you get a double-decker strawberry ice-cream cone the ice cream part falls off the cone part and lands in Australia.

There were two cupcakes in Philip Parker's lunch bag and Albert got a Hershey bar with almonds and Paul's mother gave him a piece of jelly roll that had little coconut sprinkles on the top. Guess whose mother forgot to put in dessert? It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

That's what it was, because after school my mom took us all to the dentist and Dr. Fields found a cavity just in me. Come back next week and I'll fix it, said Dr. Fields. Next week, I said, I'm going to Australia.

On the way downstairs the elevator door closed on my foot and while we were waiting for my mom to go get the car Anthony made me fall where it was muddy and then when I started crying because of the mud Nick said I was a crybaby and while I was punching Nick for saying crybaby my mom came back with the car and scolded me for being muddy and fighting. I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I told everybody. No one even answered.

So then we went to the shoestore to buy some sneakers. Anthony chose white ones with blue stripes. Nick chose red ones with white stripes. I chose blue ones with red stripes but then the shoe man said, We're all sold out. They made me buy plain old white ones, but they can't make me wear them.

When we picked up my dad at his office he said I couldn't play with his copying machine, but I forgot. He also said to watch out for the books on his desk, and I was careful as could be except for my elbow. He also said don't fool around with his phone, but I think I called Australia. My dad said please don't pick him up anymore. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

There were lima beans for dinner and I hate limas. There was kissing on TV and I hate kissing. My bath was too hot, I got soap in my eyes, my marble went down the drain, and I had to wear my railroad-train pajamas. I hate my railroad-train pajamas. When I went to bed Nick took back the pillow he said I could keep and the Mickey Mouse night light burned out and I bit my tongue. The cat wants to sleep with Anthony, not with me. It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. My mom says some days are like that.

Ben Harper- Walk Away

2004-12-14T19:01:00.000-06:00

Oh no- here comes that sun again.
And that means another day without you my friend.
And it hurts me to look into the mirror at myself.
And it hurts even more to have to be with somebody else.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away.

With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?
But you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away and head for the door.

We've tried the goodbye so many days.
We walk in the same direction so that we could never stray.
They say if you love somebody than you have got to set them free,
but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery.

They say time will make all this go away,
but it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays.
And once again that rising sun is droppin' on down
And once again, you my friend, are nowhere to be found.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away, walk away and head for the door.
You just walk away - walk away - walk away.
You just walk away, walk on, turn and head for the door.

Isn't it weird when a song comes on that fits your mood EXACTLY?

I Stole This.

2004-12-10T11:16:00.000-06:00

1. YOUR STAR NAME (Name of first pet / First street you lived on):
Kitty Barclay

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME (Name of your favorite snack food / Grandfather's first name):
Doritos Doyce

3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME (First word you see on your left / Favorite restaurant):
United Logans

4. EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS (Favorite Spice / Last Foreign Vacation Spot):
Paprika London

5. SOCIALITE ALIAS (Silliest Childhood Nickname / Town Where You First Partied):
Ashamatash Coppell

6. "FLY Girl" ALIAS (a la J. Lo) (First Initial / First Two or Three Letters of your Last Name):
A. Ham

7. ICON ALIAS (Something Sweet Within Sight / Any Liquid in Your Kitchen):
Cookie Root Beer

8. DETECTIVE ALIAS (Favorite Baby Animal / Where You Went to High School):
Opossum Coppell

9. BARFLY ALIAS (Last Snack Food You Ate / Your Favorite Alcoholic Drink):
Fries Gin Tonic

10. SOAP OPERA ALIAS (Middle Name / Street Where You Live):
Rene Bankers Cottage

11. ROCK STAR ALIAS (Favorite Candy / Last Name Of Favorite Musician):
Fun Dip Kweller

Why Does It Always Rain On Me?

2004-12-08T22:54:00.000-06:00

Travis
Why Does It Always Rain On Me?

I can't sleep tonight
Everybody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning

I can't stand myself
I'm being held up by an invisible man
Still life on a shelf when
I got my mind on something else

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning

Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold
I can't sleep tonight
Everybody's saying everything's all right
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of the lights

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning
Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold
Why does it always rain on me?
Why does it always rain on....

2004-12-05T23:30:00.000-06:00

http://economist.com/world/na/displayStory.cfm?story_id=3446265

Wow. See Baylor? You're on the losing end! Liberal colleges rock!

2004-12-05T21:24:00.000-06:00

-Who are your good friends?: What a hard question. Impossible to answer totally… Nick, Martin, Diana, Connor, Lizzy, Chelsea, Jessica, Chris, Steph Sneakers, Aubs, Anne, Lauren, Scott Bot, Emil, Mick, Esther, and my Nana. This is a scary game because I know I’m forgetting people.

-If you could be one of your friends, who would you be and why?: Wow. You are all way too screwed up. I’m fine how I am, thank you very much.

-If you could have any of your friends wardrobes, whos would you have?: Hm. Anne. I bet we could probably share clothes anyway since we weigh the same.

-Whos the..?:

-Prettiest?: Diana!

-Funniest?: Martin

-Blondest?: Lizzay

-Hyperest?: Jessica

-Loudest?: MY ENTIRE FLOOR. Ugh.

-Quietest?: No one. Quiet people are boring. We don’t like them.

-Outgoing?: Chris

-Smartest?: Stephanie

-Laid-Back?: Mick

-Most Gullible?: Renzo

-Most Talkative?: Hm. I spend way too many cell minutes talking to Niko on the phone…

-Stupidest?: Sad! Um… the lawn gnome I kidnapped once.

-One Youve Known The Longest?: Martin

-One Youve Known The Shortest?: Chelsea

Makes Up The Coolest Nicknames?: Emil

-Best Eyes?: Nick’s freaky color changing brown eyes

-Best Hair?: Nick’s luscious curls

-Most likely to become a..:

-Dancer?: Anne Pelican

-Model?: Aubrey

-Singer?: Nick

2004-12-05T15:01:00.000-06:00

Hello! Martin looks like a cartoon character in this picture...

I stole this picture from Emil, but I think it captures the essence of Scott very nicely!

Today I Bought A Green Hat.

2004-12-04T20:56:00.000-06:00

-If you could be the lead role in any movie, what would it be?: The princess bride in The Princess Bride!

-What do you understand least about the opposite sex?: Why half of them are gay… No, really I don't understand why girls don't like them. Boys, you are my favorite!

-When eating something are you more concerned with taste or Nutrition?: um, taste. All the way.

-What has made you laugh so hard you have cried?: Conversations with friends. Remember late night phone conversations with Jennifer and Martin? Nick tends to have the laughing effect on me, too.

-Do you think it matters if girls wear makeup?: It can definitely help things sometimes…

-Have You Ever....:

-Killed someone?: I’ve flushed a fish down a toilet…

-Killed yourself?: Not really.

-Humiliated yourself in front of the cutest guy ever?: EvEr? OmG sO tHeRe WaS tHiS oNe TiMe no just kidding, I’m not 13…

-Done something that you wished you hadn’t?: Way too often…

-Done nothing and wished you had?: There are definitely things I should have said that I never did…

-Climbed out your window?: once, at my old, old house, when my room was still on the first floor, because my best friend Taylor did it. But then I got in trouble because I knocked out the screen to do it.

-Punched Someone?: Haha… Once at a leadership party…

-Taken anything from a hotel?: Always. My drawer at home is full of hotel soap, shampoo, sewing kits (the kind that fixed my pillow in Ireland!!), lotion, shower caps, ect. But nothing big. I don’t steal irons or beds or TVs or anything.

-Started laughing really hard so you just spit out what you had in your mouth cause you couldn't swallow?: No way, I have mad swallowing skillz.

Whatasurvey!

2004-12-03T16:38:00.000-06:00

-Name?: Ashl

-How often do you dream?: I guess probably every night

-Do you dream in black/white or in color or both?: color

-Do you have dejavous often?: haha. What a word. Not too often.

-What do you dream about?: last night, Nick and I broke into this lady’s house to rob it, and we were upstairs in the guestroom and we saw a neighborhood boy put a bomb on my back tire. Then the lady and her husband came home, so we had to jump out of the 2nd story window. I grabbed my coat and purse, but left my car keys, but that’s ok because of the bomb thing. So we split up and we were running, but the cops were all over the neighborhood with their little searchlights. So I had to go over to one of the cop cars. Kevin and Amy and Kyle were tied to the back bumper, and Amy told me not to pick up my feet when I ran. Then it was time for me to wake up and go to class.

-Do you ever dream about something then it happens?: Rarely. But then again, if it was every day that your dreams came true, it wouldn’t seem as special, now would it?

-Do you like having your picture taken?: If I don’t want it taken, I just make a funny face. I used to just stare meanly at the camera, but now my scrapbooks are all full of mean Ashley. If I make a funny face, people think I’m funny Ashley.

-Who did you last take a picture of?: The boys downstairs playing slip n slide in the rain with laundry detergent.

-Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?: Martin

-On messenger?: Nick

-How many pillows are on your bed?: 2 here, 4 at home

-Whats your best memory with friends?: Way too many! New York, Ireland, California, prom, this entire summer…

-Worst memory with friends?: I’d rather not talk about it.

-Ever bought a cd for just one song?: Oh gosh yes.

-Which movie can you watch and say the lines along with the actors?: Little Rascals…

-Have you ever said lol in real life without thinking about it?: it’s usually intentional

-How many people do you live with?: 3 loud girls

-Have you ever watched a movie and not understood it? If so which one?: Eternal Sunshine. And Teletubbies.

-What color are most of your clothes?: blue

-If you could take back one thing you've done...what would it be and why: Certain things I’ve said. I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut

-If you could have any magical power, what would you have?: Hm. The ability to grant wishes, and have them all turn out well. That or maybe if I could fly.

-Are you a night or morning person?: Neither. Just give me 8 hours of sleep somewhere in there and I’ll be alright.

-Do you believe in love at first site?: I’ll get back to you with a definitive answer, but I’m leaning towards no.

-Whats one of the funniest things someone has said/done in the past week?: I have laughs of the day to take care of this. The topper for the week is probably going to be… I don’t have a clue.

-What/Who can cheer you up no matter what?: Niko

-What movie can you watch over and over and never get bored?: I’m gonna go with Amelie.

-If you died tomorrow, who would you leave everything you own to? What do I own? My car and this computer. I guess I’d give my car to Mick since he doesn’t have one. And who needs a computer? Scott does! Rock on. Oh, and I, Ashley, being of sound body and mind, hereby bequeath the following: To Nick, my love and affection. There, now you get something, too!

-Who is the one person that you could stand spending a straight 24 hours with and not get the slightest bit annoyed with?: Gosh. It totally depends on the situation. If we were stranded on a desert island, Martin. If we were having fun at Six Flags, Nick.

-Let's say your dad came in your room one day and told you that you had to get married in the next week but you can pick the person but you have to stay with them for the rest of your life no getting out of it, who would you pick?: Ben Kweller. Or, if he’s busy, Martin. Because SOMEONE told me they wouldn't be my backup so that we get married if we're 28 and still both single! ::pouts::

Stretcher Bearer

2004-11-24T09:55:00.000-06:00

Relates to: "Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on." -Mark 2:3-4

Would you be my stretcher bearers, when I can no longer stand?
Would you each pick up a corner of my pallet in your hand?
This burden's just too heavy, I find I cannot bear
Its pain, its grief, its sorrow; and so I chance to dare-
To ask if you would carry me through valleys dark and wide;
Then set me safely down again where peace and hope abide.
God said His yoke was easy and His burden would be light;
That's surely why He sent you each to lead me through the night.
And now I must lift others and the burdens they may bring;
I'll be a stretcher bearer carrying wounded for the King.
-Bev Engeldinger

Less serious...

2004-11-23T13:32:00.000-06:00

What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852
Name
Birthdate
You killed
With a
On	January 12, 2016

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Marriage According to the Commies

2004-11-21T20:11:00.000-06:00

My search for an answer to this marriage question has brought me to some very interesting information!

According to the communists, "The contemporary marriage system had originated as an institution of private property about the same time private property in land and goods had originated. It developed in order to ensure that a man's property would be handed on to his sons. The only way this could be done was to endow the sons of one woman with a particular legal status. This did not limit the man's relationship with other women; it supposedly limited the wife's relationship with other men." Yeah...

But don't worry folks, Karl Marx says that after the communist revolution, there will only be true monogamous marriage.

Um, not so much. According to the Statistical Yearbook of Moscow, divorce rates have been steadily climbing since they first started counting (1950) from 0.5 per thousand to 4.0 per thousand by the time of the fall of the communist party. Sorry Karl. You were right about economics, though!

So it turns out capitalism and marriage aren't linked, after all!

Will You Marry Me?

2004-11-16T13:56:00.000-06:00

What is marriage? I used to think it was something those Christians way back in the day made up. But it wasn't. Think about it. Native Americans were over here marrying each other (maybe not in the traditional sense we think of now-white dress, one bride,honeymoon- but they still had the idea of marriage, and that's what I'm getting at here)while the Europeans were marrying each other without priests being involved at all until the 17th century. It used to just be two families that got together and ate food, then the couple went and had sex, and it was official! I'm serious. So where did this idea come? It developed in totaly remote places all on its own...

And, if it's not originally a Christian idea, then who are we to put restraints on it? Jews eat kosher food and let everyone else eat whatever they want. But we feel the need to make sure people only do as we do. Except we are not very good at following our own example. We're hypocrites.

And another thing: Where do squirrels go when it rains? And don't tell me they just sit there in the trees. Have you ever seen a wet squirrel? They must have a secret hiding place somewhere!

And another thing! When John the Baptist was baptizing people in that river that day, was he baptizing them as Jews or Christians?

California, Here We Come!

2004-11-10T13:39:00.000-06:00

My parents, like Lucy, Ricky, Ethel and Fred are doing here, are going to California! Party at Ashl's house!

2004-10-24T21:26:00.000-05:00

Ben Kweller and John Kerry. Dude, that's awesome! BK played at a Kerry rally earlier this month. Rock on!

Things I like

2004-10-24T21:16:00.000-05:00

Today is Chelsea's birthday, which made me think of cake.

In light of this, I have developed a list of things I like:

Cake.
Ice cream.
White chocolate chips
Candy my mom makes at Christmas time
Dr. Pepper
Pictures
Camp
Books that you get to read for fun
Unexpected phone calls
Letters
Cancelled classes
Dressing up for Halloween
Potato chips
Shopping for silly things with fun people
Running into people you know in unexpected places
Friends
Music
Emails
Pink
Concerts
Soccer
Rainy nights
Candelit church services
Candy
Movies
Sleeping late
Accomplishing things
Finding coincidences
Little kids
Free snacks
Smiles
"Howdy"
Fun socks
Compliments

The end. Now I'm feeling happy! Go out, everyone, and spread the love!!!

2004-10-21T21:06:00.000-05:00

My Plunge buddies.

Stupid people

2004-10-18T21:39:00.000-05:00

My dad has this idea, see. He says that everyone should be given three darts to keep in the car. Not scary, pointy darts, but little suction cup darts that say "dumbass" inside the suctiony part (his idea, not mine). The idea is that, while you're driving around, doin your own thing, if some car next to you or whatever does something really stupid, you can throw your dart at him. Then, the guy will know he's a dumbass. And also, whenever a cop is driving around and he sees some car with 5 or 6 little darts on it, he can just pull it over and give it a ticket for being stupid.

It's a good idea.

But I have a better one. I want those for the library. I come here to study, to concentrate. Because it's supposed to be quiet. And so I always go to somewhere where no one is anywhere near me. And today, for instance, this entire wall is empty of people. A girl comes and sits at the desk RIGHT next to mine. There are like 15 little cubicles on this wall, and she picks the one next to me. And she's talking on the phone. And not just once, she's gotten like 5 phone calls. Ok and then her friend came over to talk to her. WTF, mate. If I had a dart, I would so stick it up her nose.

Ode to my Dad #2

2004-10-13T14:07:00.000-05:00

My dad is still a cool guy. If you don't believe me, read my entry from Friday December 27, 2002. Still don't believe me? Read this conversation I had with him once:

A funny convo I had with my dad today:
Me: Where were you today?
Dad: I went shopping for an answering machine.
Me: Don't we already have one of those?
Dad: Yes, but it makes loud humming noises. That means it's about to blow up. I thought we'd get a new one.

See. He's funny. He picked me up from the airport Friday. The entire way home we discussed comparative advantage. At first I thought he was quizzing me because I told him I want to major in it. See, my dad doesn't like to volunteer, and he supports that position by informing me that really, by him volunteering, he's HURTING society. It would be better, he says, if he did his own job, because he's good at it, and just gave a fence-builder 10 bucks to build a bench. If everyone did what they were good at instead of the "right thing," which is really the wrong thing, then they wouldn't waste so much time and a guy who's actually good at building fences could have built TWO!

Anyway. He also likes the kid Matt I hang out with because Matt is majoring in accounting. And that's what I'm supposed to major in, because my dad's an accountant and my brother is majoring in accounting. So, based on my dad's logic, if I like to hang out with Matt, then I would like having classes with Matt, ,who's taking accounting classes. That means I'll enjoy accounting classes, since they're with Matt, and eventually I'll want to change my major to accounting. We'll see, Dad.

My dad is fun. He races cars and buys RVs. He wants a pick up truck. He tells really bad jokes, just like me. I like him.

Golden Slumbers- The Beatles

2004-10-13T09:59:00.000-05:00

Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullabye

Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullabye

Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullabye

Yoke of the Day:

2004-10-12T15:14:00.000-05:00

Energetic56: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=1508&ncid=1508&e=8&u=/afp/20041012/hl_afp/health_china_diet
poofpodunk21: that's going to be y ou
poofpodunk21: you better watch out
poofpodunk21: the chinese part i mean

Clicky!

2004-10-11T14:37:00.000-05:00

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/09/23/60minutes/rooney/main645197.shtml

Boom!

2004-10-04T10:04:00.000-05:00

I said a boom chica boom!

Letter to the Editor

2004-10-01T17:36:00.000-05:00

A letter to the editor in the Trinity campus newspaper:

Dear Editor,
In response to Mr. Terrell's letter to the editor (Sept. 24), which endorsed Mr. Bush as the pro-life presidential cadidate, I have a few numbers. Nummber of American and Coalition force casualties since the beginning of the war in Iraq: 1183 (source: http://icasualities.org/oif/). Number of Iraqi civilian casualties: 14, 997 (maximum), 12,943 (minimum) (source: http://www.iraqbodycount.net/database/). Number of weapons of mass destruction (WMDs) found: 0. Mr. Bush, the pro-life candidate?
Elyzabeth

FFH- It's a Good Day

2004-09-22T13:28:00.000-05:00

However long our feet have walked on this world
We’ve all lived long enough to know
That sometimes life will go our way
And other times it won’t

But still I’ve got this joy inside of me
With each new dawn
I do believe to

Say hey, it’s a good day
Even if things aren’t going my way
Jesus is Lord and I am saved
So, say hey, it’s a good day

Circumstance and situations change
You know life can turn on a dime
But there’s a constant hope and peace
That I have come to find
And it’s all because of who God is
And that He is alive and I am His, so

Say hey, it’s a good day
Even if things aren’t going my way
Jesus is Lord and I am saved
So, say hey, it’s a good day
~repeat 2x~

We are all as happy as we make our minds up to be
I have just decided that nothing’s gonna take this joy from me

Say hey, it’s a good day
Even if things aren’t going my way
Jesus is Lord and I am saved
So, say hey, it’s a good day

Lost Little Sheep

2004-09-15T23:50:00.000-05:00

Lost little sheep,
Come to me;
I'll show you where
To lay your head.

Lost little sheep,
Come to me;
I'll teach you
to forget your hurt.

Lost little sheep,
Come to me;
I'll help you find
Your way in life.

Lost little sheep,
Come to me;
I'll show you
How to live.

Still Here- Nine Days

2004-09-08T01:27:00.000-05:00

You hold tight to your tomorrow
Cuz there’s no one here except yourself
I did not come to beg or borrow
Were you expecting someone else

And I will be there to soften your fall
And I will be there for the good of it all
I will not let you feel you’ve wasted all your time
And every day we have is one more day that you’ll be mine
If my life is a flight and a crash in the sea
I’m still here but I can not speak the words

They say the rain will always follow
When you’re lost inside yourself
The truth is not so easily swallowed
When you left me for someone else

And I will be there to soften your fall
And I will be there in the thick of it all
I will not let you feel you’ve wasted all your time
And every day we had was one more day that you were mine
If my life is a flight and a crash in the sea
I’m still here

Born with a heart defect
I am a father’s son
One day I will be here
The next day I’ll be gone
So could I steal a moment of your time
A dreamer’s eyes are always open wide

I will not let you feel you’ve wasted all your time
And every day we have is one more day that you’ll be mine
If my life is a flight and a crash in the sea
I’m still here

I’m still here

Nick Rocks.

2004-09-07T18:14:00.000-05:00

Let's all give a round of a sound for Mr. Nicholas Sean, the updater of Ashl's blog! In a matter of mere hours, he managed to completely change the template, change it, change it again, lose it, do it again, and then add a bunch of stuff! And did he give up? NO! Because, out of the goodness of his heart, he knew that Ashley wanted a new look for her blog, and he knew that his eyes hated looking at the old look. And now all is well in blog land. Let's all give Niko a pat on the back!

2004-08-26T13:23:00.000-05:00

Diversity is stupid. Now that I've offended you, please continue reading.

Colleges and businesses like to brag about how diverse the people who attend them/work for them are. But the way they judge that is so shallow. All your life, people have been telling you not to judge people based on their skin color, but instead judge them by what is on the inside. My six year old cousin doesn't even know that her kindergarten teacher is black. She doesn't even understand that. Yet, when you go to college, they tell you how diverse they are because they have people with many different skin colors.

I had to take a survey sort of thing a few days ago, and one of the main ideas they asked me about was diversity. Obviously, I am white. Then wanted to know how important diversity is to me when I choose a school, and I don't think it's very important. I guess that could be because I'm white. But when they asked me if I had diverse friends, I actually had to stop and think about it. My first thought was no, and then I realized that most of my friends are NOT white. Stephanie, Chris, Diana, Martin, and then people I used to be really close with too: Leah, Erin, Daniel, Amanda, ect. And then I was thinking man, do I even know any whites? Of course I do. But even within that, Connor's dad's Dutch, Greg is something weird too.

I think people make to big of a deal out of racial lines. I don't think they exist as people see them to. I see affirmative action as unnecessary. Why would a college want to admit a dumber white student over a smarter yellow one? As it stands now, they sometimes have to admit the less qualified one. But I understand the original reason for the system, and that no system can be unflawed. I jut think it is slightly outdated now. And just judging by names, no one can tell these days anyway. If a college wants to brag to be about the diversity their students have, I think it should be a judge of a diversity of interests or abilities, rather than skin colors.

2004-08-11T09:17:00.000-05:00

I was reading an article about the bible and homosexuality. It didn't do much to support it's point, but it did have an interesting perspective on things that I'd never read before.

Basically, instead of focusing on what the bible says you shouldn't do, the author pointed out all of the things the bible says is ok to do, but we as a society have decided those things are bad.
Really good examples:
Polygamy
Homosexuality between women
Prostitution
A sexual relationship between a married man and an unmarried woman
Slavery
Women being inferior to men
Sex out of wedlock

It did admit the normal three places people point out when homosexuality comes up, and attacked their validity the average ways people do.

The author also quotes Luke 12:57 "Why do you not judge for yourselves what is right?” And no, that's not Luke talking, that's Jesus.

2004-08-11T00:59:00.000-05:00

Normally, folks, I'd post all my pictures from my trip here, but I'm afraid there were just too many. Instead, I Yahooed them. Go to http://photos.yahoo.com/energeticashley for my pictures, or if you really want some variety, check out Nick's at http://photos.yahoo.com/nsg327. The end!

2004-08-09T11:29:00.000-05:00

If one day you feel like crying... call me. I don't promise that I'll make you laugh, but I can cry with you. If one day you want to run away... don't be afraid to call me. I don't promise to make you stop, but I can run with you. If one day you don't want to listen anymore... call me. I promise I will be there for you. And I promise to be very quiet. But if one day you call... And there is no answer, come fast to see me. I may need you.

2004-07-24T11:35:00.000-05:00

Take off your shoes... Take off yourself
Take off your rented mental health
Take off your raincoat... settle down
Take off your nightmare and your frown
There is a place for you to go
To see another ringer in a rock show
Take my pretense for a time
Cause I want to say to you
I'm nobody without you... buddy
My long lost friend
If you're not here to hear me scream
Am I silent like a dream?
Where all the dragons are my friends
Each night we meet our bitter ends
Do I need you to make me real
Like Wheeler spinning his own wheel
Quantum strings within my brain
Popping sanities insane
I'm nobody without you... buddy
My long lost friend
Not everybody has a brain
Not everybody's going sane
Not everybody wishes well
Not everybody's heaven's hell.
Sometimes there's someone to blame
Sometimes a place for shame
Sometimes good's better than bad
Sometimes good's better than bad
Sometimes good's better than bad
Sometimes good's better than bad
Sometimes you're better than me.
Heaven fell on herself tonight
As the devil met me in the wishing well
And in that moment I found myself knowing
That in the end it's just about you and me
Nothing smaller or larger
Though dragons are good for the soul
Nothing can be better than barring yourself for another...
Open for scrutiny, ridicule, indulgence
Therin lies the balls, and the mind, and the heart///
As fear is truly the Mindkiller...
When nothing is left....
Everything is gained...
You see I wish I was a poet
But I know as we go round and round
Though endings are never ever happy
It's the happy moments along the way
That in the end
Make it... ok....

2004-07-16T17:15:00.000-05:00

Dude. When I grow up, I'm totally going to be an awesome old lady. I'm gonna wear the funniest clothes, and carry a HUGE ol purse! I'll dance around a lot, and everyone will think I'm waay funny. All the other old guys will hit on me cus I'll be hot stuff. I'm gonna wear those old people sneakers, with my socks half way up my calves. And I'll have short, curly, white hair, like all old ladies. AND! I'll wear those half glasses around my neck on a little beaded chain! I'll have one of those comfy chairs in my house where I sit all day and watch tv, do the crossword in the paper, and nap. And I want lots of grandkids. They'll think I'm awesome. I'll teach them all sorts of crafty things to do, and they'll miss me when I'm gone. Will it be awesome? Stay tuned to my life to find out!

2004-07-15T11:26:00.000-05:00

Just because you do bad things, it does not make you a bad person! I don't floss every day, but I consider myself somewhat pure of heart.

Some people just make mistakes! Everyone should forgive and let live and the world would be a happier place. You know when you're driving down the road, and you almost hit a squirrel and freak out? I freak out if I hit one that's already dead. Most people know you didn't mean to hit that squirrel and so they forgive you, and they don't hold it against you. Or else at our funerals they'd all be calling us squirrel killers. WTF is this about?

2004-07-14T16:49:00.000-05:00

If you died today, would people know the real you?

I don't mean to say make sure you tell people you love them and say youre sorry. I guess I don't know exactly what I mean.

How much do people know of the real me? Which people are really my friends? What kind of secrets are people keeping? What is my secret passion? What do I like to do?

If I died, I wonder which people would show up at my funeral. And out of the ones that show up, I wonder who will only go because of the other people there, and who will go because they know me and miss me. And out of those who don't go, I wonder if they just won't feel like it, or if they'll have good excuses. I wonder what everyone would say about me, and what everyone would remember about me.

The more I think about funerals, the less I think I want to have one. They seem really fake. The people who know you the best, or think they know you best, or want people to think they know you the best, go to the front and tell things about you which are probably lies. They're either lies because the person doesn't know you very well in the first place, or because if they told the truth, no one would want to listen.

I'm not saying I wouldn't do the same thing. If my best friend died, I would go to their funeral, and I would talk about good times. I probably wouldn't mention much about problems, and I would probably remember situations to my own advantage, since that person wouldn't be there to prove me wrong.

What a post.

2004-07-13T21:06:00.000-05:00

Sorry if you can't read this. I want to buy a new digital camera, someone point me in the right direction!!

2004-07-13T20:02:00.000-05:00

What if just one thing about your life was different? It could change everything! Remember those chose your own adventure books? Yeah. Just like that. Or the Family Guy or Butterfly Effect. Changing one thing about your life could change everything. I think that's amazing.

I think that's why I believe in fate. To a certain degree. I don't think every little thing is planned out to happen. Like me watching tv right now. I don't think that has to do with anything. But me having a tv? That's bigger. Heh.

Just think, what if your mom had grown up in a different neighborhood. She would have been friends with a different set of people, which would have turned her into a different kind of person with different tastes, so she probably never would have met your dad, so you would be completely different! If you're here at all.

What if you didn't have that scar you got from falling at Sea World when you were 6, so you never would have started that conversation with the one kid, that ends up being your best friend 10 years later? All these little things... How can you not believe in fate? I like to believe in it.

Even the things that don't work out happen for a reason. For instance, who stays with their first ever boyfriend (well, besides my parents...)? But that first boyfriend is important (or girlfriend, if that's your thing... but for me and most of my friends, it's boyfriends) because they teach you things, like how to get over stuff, and how to deal with being less selfish and giving to others and compromise. I think it's important that some kids have lots of brothers and sisters (like the Brady Bunch) and that some people are only children. Plus, do you really think that long seperated twins like Tia and Tamera Mowry could ever find each other randomly? Exactly.

Fate rocks.

2004-07-10T22:02:00.000-05:00

I love getting mail. I got a card from the doctor that said "You are going to get better! Which is fairly remarkable since ou wewre pretty great to begin with! Hope your recovery is speedy!" and it's fake signed by all of them! It's wonderful! I also got a really corny birthday card from this couple I don't know. And I like getting magazines and text messages and phone calls and even letters from college. Course, this medicine also makes me way happier than I really am. My cats hang out in my room all day. They take care of me and I take care of them. They said maybe Flint is starting to recover! He may not die after all! Hoop de hoop! And these ice packs for my cheeks are the coolest things ever! They're so fun they make me want to wear them! I think maybe I'll color them.

2004-07-08T11:08:00.000-05:00

Hello. People don’t like much to hear about stories from places they didn’t go, so instead of telling stories, I thought I would just visually depict my trip to Canada.

Airporting it.

Jeremiah and Christopher

Nick standing the way he always says he never stands

We're going to start our own olympic indian canoeing team. Soon we'll get good enough that we can take the canoe away from the dock and stick it in some water!

The red eyed monster ate my friend...

Nick with hair as big as Whoopi Goldberg, and me looking wonderful as always

Blurry Anne Peel with a wonderful picture colored for Nick (which he probably left on the airplane where I left mine) all about his superior trumpet playing skills, as told by Bob the Builder

A big huge waterfall. And Michelle on Kevin's back, as always.

I actually have no idea what this is. i don't remember taking this picture, or where I took it, or who the people are. If you have any idea, let me know!

a blurry picture of a very pretty organ underneath a church

Christoper the Apothicarie

2004-07-08T09:02:00.000-05:00

Above all, he was amazed to hear me talk of a mercenary standing army in the midst of peace, and among a free people. He said, if we were governed by our own consent in the persons of our representatives, he could not imagine of whom we were afraid, or againstwhom we were to fight; and would hear my opinion, whether a private man's house might not better be defended by himself, his children, and family; than by half a dozen rascals picked up at a venture in the streets, for small wages, who might get a hundred times more by cutting their throats.
-Gulliver's Travels

2004-06-30T22:42:00.000-05:00

It's been a hell of a day and I'm in a hell of a mood. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm lost. Or stuck. Or dying, something i just don't know what. Complaining doesn't work. Pretending to be happy doesn't work. Thinking about other things doesn't work. Feeling sorry for myself doesn't work. Finding a hobby doesn't work. Trying to explain myself to others doesn't work. I'm so tired of trying to fix everything that fell apart. But I think that if I don't, no one will. So what's a girl to do? Cry. And so that's what I'll do.

2004-06-25T23:14:00.000-05:00

NO! I don't WANT to go to college and I don't want any of my FRIENDS to go to college because HERE is perfectly nice and everything is great and why do we have to go and mess things up with a stupid thing like college? That's so retarded. No one likes college anyway. It should just go live in a hole somewhere because it ruins everything and it's bad. The end.

2004-06-24T14:58:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I feel like I've known a person for so long that I don't see them for what they actually are, but for what they were when I first met them. Then all of the sudden one day, I realize they're very different than I ever give them credit for being.

Have you ever noticed when you're watching some sitcom that's been on for years and years, and then you go back and watch an episode from the first season, how different everyone is? They've been growing up the whole time and you just don't realize it because you've been watching so closely. But when you take the time to remember the old episodes, you realize how much everyone has changed.

2004-06-22T22:47:00.000-05:00

Oreos are probably the best cookie ever. They have crispy cookie on the outside and good icing on the inside. They're always dressed for the occasion in their classic black and white, yet sometimes they make things a little more interesting by changing for halloween and easter. There are lots of ways to eat them. Way too many to write here. But it's good because everyone has their own way. They're also good when dunked in milk. And there are lots of spin off oreos, like the inside out ones and the dipped ones and the mint ones. That's why oreos are probably the best cookies ever.

2004-06-12T12:26:00.000-05:00

Last night I had a dream about my guitar. I was going on a trip with a bunch of my friends, but then the guitar was a terrorist threat, so I had to hide it so they wouldn't nuke it! So I was running all through the airport with my guitar case and I finally wound up running into the closet that's in my little cousin Chassie's room. And I crawled through all this stuff and there were grey and white rats, but I wasn't scared, and I hid under a matress and hid the guitar under some other stuff and then my mom and the cops came and they got all mad at me for being a terrorist even though I wasn't and threw me out the window. Then Dad was walking through the cemetary to pick out tombstones, and he decided we don't need one for me, and then they cancelled the funeral. :(

2004-06-10T01:02:00.000-05:00

I read a book called Brave New World because I'm a nerdy little dweeb, and it's a classic. It's by a British guy, written in about the 30s I guess. It's about the future.

It takes place in A.F. 662, which stands for After Ford. As in, the guy who made the Model T. He's their god. They praise him and instead of crossing themselves like good little catholics, trace T's on their stomachs. They said "Thank Ford" and stuff. They think he's smart not only because of those interchangeable parts, but also because they think he and Freud are the same guy, and he just calls himself Freud when he writes.

They live in a 5 caste system, and they condition people to like to be in their caste. There are no mothers or fathers, everyone is born into a bottle from an egg on a table, and in that bottle they travel down a very slowly moving conveyor belt where, according to what you are destined to become, they inject stuff into you. They put poison into the bottles of the lower castes to stunt their growth and make them stupid. They put diffent vaccines in different bottles for your soon to be job. The coal miners won't get black lung and the airplane pilots won't get air sick. All of the lower castes are clones of each other, and it works so that one entire wing of the hospital is run by one set of brothers, and a certain factory is run by one set of sisters. The upper castes aren't cloned because it might weaken them.

No one reads or has any kind of solitary enjoyment. They promote sexuality, especially from a very young age. "Everyone belongs to everyone." It's frowned upon to keep one partner for more than a few weeks, and within that time you shouldn't have just one companion. They take place in religious orgys at least once every other week that are required. They chew special gum to make them horny. There is no such thing as discomfort, because they perfected a drug that you can take as soon as you start to feel unhappy that's an instant upper. In large doses it's like going on a weekend vacation.

There's a plot too, but I already wrote enough about the background. That's all you need to know about the book really, to compare it to real life. In the book, the 10 world controllers' jobs were to preserve uninformity within society, so that no person stood out. People had predestined jobs. Sexual immorality was good. God was not allowed. Drugs were rampant. Everyone is forced to not think and to not read and to not have any sort of solitary time. That, my friends, is a scary place.

2004-06-08T11:39:00.000-05:00

One time I wrote a whole post. Then I copied it. Then I copied something else. So when I posted it here, it's not here anymore, only that other thing. That other thing. That's sad, and why I don't have a post.

2004-06-03T15:56:00.000-05:00

Don't you think we would look funny if we had two knees on each leg. I don't mean next to each other-that would be weird. I mean like the one where it already is and then another one on your shin. Or maybe they should be spaced out evenly. In my dream last night they were not. I wonder if you would run faster with those extra knees. They were chasing me last night. They ran really fast and caught me, but I don't know if it was because of the extra knees or because I am a slow runner. They weren't aliens or anything either. They were just in the army, but I don't know which one.

2004-06-02T14:59:00.000-05:00

Amy, looking beautiful as normal, showing me her "bus pass"

Me and that boy I like.

Martin and Michelle

Georg und Maria

Nick and Michelle on a roller coaster!!

Nick jammin on the drum simulation

Michelle and Amy probably beat Martin at pool, but I don't really know.

Erin and Nathan

Nick is excited about Pepsi!

Two wonderfully fake smiles!

2004-06-02T14:50:00.000-05:00

IHOP

2004-06-01T00:25:00.000-05:00

Nick has lots of girls on his bed.

monster cake!!!! it will eat you before you eat it!!!

Lots of people!!

A picture of a bunch of pictures.

Harry Potter!!!

The Baker girls discuss how stunning Maxanne looks in orange. Look how she's blushing!

Old people. Even David I shall call old now.

What is going on? There's my Mom's butt. And Diana is looking at Nick, I'm looking at the camera, and Nick is looking at me. Hmm...

I love to lay on Anne Peel. Mal has cool hair.

Random people.

Nick eats Larry's knee.

her head is SIDEWAYS!

Aubrey!

Chris!

Maybe Mal is a closet aggie!

Bob, Larry, and Nick!

2004-05-31T00:07:00.000-05:00

Girls in black and white.

2004-05-31T00:06:00.000-05:00

Hooray for fun people! And cameras that take your picture 10 seconds after you push the button, so that you have enough time to get all the way back to your seat and smile!

2004-05-30T14:32:00.000-05:00

Wow. I'm in such a good mood. I don't think anything can bring me out of this for a while. Also, I'm finally getting around to cleaning my room. Which is not fun, but having a clean room is... soothing I guess. A dirty room stresses me out. And I haven't cleaned in a long time. And I like my Relient K cd! And my cat fell asleep on my while I'm sitting here and I love him cus he's always nice to me...

Yesterday I was in a pretty fantastic mood most of the time, minus a few slip ups with my madre. But I bounce back! And then even last night I slept for like 12 hours. I was sooo sick. Gross. But I was still in a good mood, if you can be in a good mood while you're sleeping.

Today I'm not tired at all! So I'm in a good mood. And I even kind of talked to mean people today, and didn't get all peeved like normal. And I actually really enjoyed Kathy's sermon, which I never do. And I went to lunch with Nick and his sister and 3 people I'd never met before, which I don't really like to do, but I'm glad I did because they were soo cool! I wish I had a family like that! Nick's more blessed than he realizes...

2004-05-29T18:43:00.000-05:00

Hello, this is me, typing from my brand spankin new laptop! It's pretty. I guess my other computer isn't old or slow, it's actually kind of nice. But this is a laptop! And woo! See, today was a very good day. This whole weekend has been good so far. Let me tell you why:

I don't have to go to school anymore. I know that's been a thing for me for a while now, but now it's official, and I on't ever have to go anymore for anything, even band.

I got to go on one last trip with all my friends! Austin was fun after all!

I did well, and the bus rides were fun. (I like it when I say "hay!" and point out the window because people think I'm saying "hey!" and pointing to something interesting.)

I got Nick a present he likes.

Mr Villarreal told me he liked my skirt and my hair ad congratuations and he gave me a hug.

On the way home, we were running late, so I was late to work, so Jonathan called and said I don't even have to go in tonight.

There was a package from Dell sitting on my kitchen table when I got home, and since both my parents were out of town, they don't even know it!

So yay for good weekends. And starting tomorrow there are a whole bunch of graduation parties!! Yay! And I'll go see Harry Potter on Friday!!

2004-05-26T13:34:00.000-05:00

What's up dude?
I'm getting kind of bored.
Let's get some food
And then hit movies 4
What's going on?
What's up with all our friends?
Let's start a rumor
Just to find out where it ends.
Cause a small town like this is like a small stage
for teenagers and their drama.
Instead of playing shows
we'll be showing plays
like 90210 without the beverly hills.

Well, don't you think its high time
that we never settle down.
Well don't you think it's high time
that we get out of this town
cause if we leave then we just might be okay.
Hoopes i did it again
I messed everything up and I think I hurt my friends
Hoopes I did it again
Relationships that work are things that I can't comprehend

Relient K

2004-05-26T13:19:00.001-05:00

Or this hair?

2004-05-26T13:19:00.000-05:00

Which hair is better? This hair?

2004-05-26T08:04:00.000-05:00

Me and Stephanie Sneakers!

2004-05-25T14:58:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was such a great day! I didn't see my mom all day, see. That sounds so mean. But all I mean by that is that we didn't fight at all cus we didnt see each other. And the awards assembly was really boring, but I did sit by some cool people, so I wasn't asleep or anything. And I got to stand up or walk to the front a few times, so I felt special.

Then Six Flags was a lot of fun. I rode there with Martin, Daniel, Greg, and Nick. But first, we needed to go to Jack in the Box because Daniel needed a big straw and the rest of us were hungry. Our order took forever. And my mom was behind us in line which was really weird. But I pretended like I didn't see her. Then we drove a long way to six flags. When we got there, we met up with these two other girls that I've never seen before. One was annoying at first, but either she grows on you or she calmed down or I got used to her, because by the end of the night I thought she was funny. I think we rode about everything... Nick and I got drinks instead of going on one ride with the rest of them, and then after that they went to Texas Giant but we went to Titan and Runaway Mountain, and then we met back up with them and rode Batman some more. It was really cool because it wasn't hot, we didn't get sunburned, it wasn't raining, and the lines were short. Which is the best kind of day to have at six flags. And for some reason, even the rides that usually make me kind of woozy didn't even phase me. I felt great! It was fun. Then after it closed, we used Daniel and Greg's 50 percent discount at Saltgrass. It was good, but I wasn't hungry after a funnel cake.

Then we went to Hollywood to rent some movies which martin bought milk. So we went to Martin's to get cars, I went to my house to change, and then to Nick's to watch the movie. I missed the first part though because nick is a band nerd and we had to watch the ld bell marching show. I think we were just too lazy to pause or rewind. It was good though. Then I came home and chatted for a sec. I thought it was almost 10, but I was so tired, so I went to bed. When I woke up this morning, i realized my clock was an hour behind. I dunno why. I was gonna go to first period, but I still felt kinda sick when I woke up.

While I was in the shower this morning I guess, Anderson came and took my horn. I don't know how my mom knew where it was. He went to fix it, so I can play on Friday. I was upset, because he doesn't do well, but I saw him after 4th period, and he'd already fixed it, and I took it out, and it's nice. He did a good job. So yesterday and today were very good days!

2004-05-23T22:51:00.000-05:00

I owe every ounce of immature meaness I have (and that's a lot, I know) to my mom. Must be from the way she raised me.

Today, my dad told me she wasn't even going to come to the awards assembly that she made such a big deal about unless I invited her myself. But she was sleeping by the time I got home from church this morning and she was still taking a nap when I left for choir at 4:15. So after all the church business was over, I called her from dinner. Dad answered and I asked to talk to her. He was gone for a moment, I could hear mumbling. Then he came back and said "what is it I can settle for you" and I said, "no, I just wanna invite her to the thing before she goes back to sleep." Then he said "well... she doesn't want to talk to you." That is so second grade. My mom is giving me the silent treatment. Holy cow. So I was like fine, whatever, and I enjoyed the rest of my dinner.

Then I came home, and I was thinking about what dad told me earlier today when we went shopping. He said it was his fault in reality that we left the banquet early. He doesn't like that sort of thing. And he also said it's his dream that I hug Mom and tell her I love her and then invite her to the banquet. I said dream on. Anyhow, when I got home, I went to Mom's room and I said "Mom?" No answer. Then Dad came out from the kitchen and I asked where she was. She was in the closet he said. "Mom?" "WHAT." "Will you come here and talk to me?" then, after about 2 and a half minutes of me standing, wondering if she was going to come, she slammed something down and came and stood and the doorway, and stared at me. "is that a no?" I said. She's like... "i'm here, aren't I?" I said, "fine, can we go talk without dad?" So we went to the kitchen. We talked for about 20 minutes. I apologized for part of the banquet because I found out it wasn't her that made me leave early. And she said I always snap at her, since January. I said, "exactly, since all state tryouts, when I didn't make it. I remember." and we argued on and on and it was terrible and we got absolutely no where and it was a waste of my time. She told me I'd been avoiding her ever since I started school in kindergarten. I don't remember kindergarten, so I suppose I can't promise I wasn't avoiding her, but I seriously doubt it...Circles and circles and circles. So I told her all the times I thought for the senior thing, and she's like "well I'm not going" and I'm like "fine, Mom. Really cool.I did exactly what you wanted, I apologized, and you still won't come." I'm at a brick wall! There's nothing else I can do!

So then I came upstairs. And I got in bed. And she came up a few minutes later and said "I found this" and dropped a sheet of paper on my bed. I got up after she left and turned on the light, and it's a letter, I guess mailed to the parents, describing in DETAIL all of tomorrow. Exactly the details she was yelling at me last night for not knowing. And she just magically found it, at 11 at night. Magic. Liar. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is a huge reason why I'm as mean as I am. Now, someone teach me the cure?

2004-05-22T23:04:00.000-05:00

When I cry, I hide in my closet. The last time I hid there was a little after all state try outs when I didn't make it and my mom screamed at me. For forever. It was terrible. So I went and hid in the corner of my closet with the lights off and made a fortress with a bunch of pillows and stuffed animals and I was safe.

We haven't really gotten along much since then. Sometimes it's my fault, but I think most of the time it's hers. Maybe I only think that because I'm me and she's her and who likes to blame themself. But important things always manage to get ruined.

Sometimes we go without speaking for days, maybe a week or two at a time. People always think I'm exaggerating. Anderson, for instance, tells me to ask my mom things, and I tell him I can't beause we don't speak. He always says "yeah right" but he doesn't know. She yells a lot, but I haven't returned to the closet since all state until tonight. Tonight was terrible. Like, I can't even begin to describe. But I will anyway because I'm upset and I need to get it out.

I wanted to wear my black skirt. My pretty one. But she made me go and change into the blue one, the dress that I JUST wore less than a week ago. So I complained, but she wouldn't let me into the car. So I changed. Then we went, and she picked her seat or whatever, but then she complained, because she couldn't see the entire time. I guess that was my fault? And I didn't put enough thought into my senior will. And I didn't let her take enough pictures. There were no more people to take pictures with! All the people I said I wanted to take a picture with she said no! Then she wanted to leave, but I wasn't done talking to everyone... There were so many people I hadn't even seen yet! Like Scott and Amy Brogniez and a bunch of others! But SHE felt like leaving so I only even had a chance to say goodbye to Nick, not even Stephanie or Diana. Dad said we should leave too. He says "it's better for her to yell in the car or at home than here, Ashley." Then, in the car on the way home, she got mad at me for ruining HER SENIOR BANQUET. Excuse me, but if I cussed, this is the place where I would do it. What the heck is she talking about her senior banquet and how the heck did I ruin it?!? That made me so mad. Her senior banquet. And I ruined it. Well, I am so sorry I did exactly what she said, wore the dress she told me to, sat where she told me to, left when she told me to, took pictures with the people she told me to. That totally sucks that I ruined her banquet and I feel so bad for her.

Basically, between Aubrey and Mom, I'm just sick of people hating me. If I hated someone, I think I would get tired of yelling at them and being mean to them. I think I would at first probably, becuase when you hate people you have a lot of emotion to express, but I think after that I would just... not be nice, but not be so... enthusiastic in my hatred. Or maybe I'd try to throw a little distance in there. Yeah. If you hate me, just stay away from me! That way, if I do something totally hateable, you won't be there to witness it, and it won't make you hate me more. Good.

2004-05-22T01:19:00.000-05:00

I think sometimes you have to take the good with the bad. The bad teaches you things. The good is good.

Having bad friends are important. Seriously. Because if you don't have a few crappy ones, you won't realize how awesome the good ones are! And then you wouldn't appreciate them the way they fully deserve to be appreciated!

If you have a week of good days, they only seem mediocre. But if you have a week of bad days, then one medium day, it seems great! Good and bad are relative. Like dynamics. Ooh.

Bad friends exist to remind you good friends are good! And I would like to take a moment out of my life to send a warm hello to my greatest friends:

Ladies first (because it was so hard losing both of my best girl friends at the same time, even though they were so many grades apart):
Stephanie Hsu: YOU are the funniest kid on the face of the planet. I hate that you go to TAMS, because it's been terrible not seeing you all the time this year. I'm sorry we haven't talked more. But your text messages always make me smile. Especially the really bad jokes. I always go tell them to people right away. Even the ones I don't get! Thank you for when you always used to let me borrow your french horn so I could pretend I knew what I was doing. And thanks for being a very un-asian asian. Oh! Except for the time you bought me chocolate from the Chinese store! That was good. You can be asian then. And I'm sorry I accused you of graduating.

Diana: I've feel like I've known you for sooo many years, although I guess it hasn't been but a few after all. I think that's just because you're always around when I wanna talk to you. You're good at listening to me when I need help or when I just need to complain. Spring trip was soo much fun last year! And last summer, all the Diana-Ashley days. Those will never end! And I love it when you drive all the way to town so the fab four can hang out and then don't tell your parents and just drive back the same night. I also miss the fab four a lot. Thank you for keeping me sane in times of insanity. I know I'm one to freak out, and I'm sorry all the times I'm mean. Next year is going to be so much fun you won't believe it. Make sure to keep an extra set of sheets around for me for whenever I drop by unexpectedly!

Now for boys:
Martin: Did you ever know I consider you one of my best friends? I do. We're not serious, but you sure are a lot of fun. I feel like I've known you practially as long as I've known my parents. I still remember when you wanted to vote for Dole in elementary school. Some day we'll be voting for you, becuase my dad always says you'll be president one day. I've probably been to about a thousand parties at your house, and you've been to about a thousand at mine. You make challenge soo much more interesting. You're so easy to talk to. I know you are either super good at keeping secrets or really really crappy at it, I just never figured out which. You're the one friend I've constantly had since i was little. I'm glad your name is near mine in the alphabet.

Nick: The best for last? You're so much. You've taught me so much. I never told you, but you've always been my religious mentor. I look up to you in that aspect. I feel like for the past 2 years almost I've seen you or talked to you just about every day (which is probably way too much). And when I couldn't, I made a blog so I could tell you about everything that was going on anyway. I've watched you change sooo much since I first really met you. You're completely different person now. And now that I've seen baby pictures, I realize you've changed a lot since then too. You, more than anyone else, have always been there for me to call on. If I got in a wreck I bet I'd call you before my parents. I can never thank you enough for being such a big part of my life and helping me make my biggest decisions. I never tell you how much I appreciate you, but I do. Because of you, I now eat Mexican food. That is truly an amazing accomplishment, and you should be proud of that.

2004-05-21T14:38:00.000-05:00

I don't agree with the way my parents spend money. I think they waste a lot of it. And Frau too. She is a teacher, and her husband goes to nursing school and has no job, but they bought a plasma tv. A really big one. I think that's silly.

My dad leaves the house about 5 every weekday morning because he goes to his gym downtown and works out before work. But his gym shut down. So, instead of branching out and finding a new gym, he just bought a whole bunch of new gym equipment. We already had a stationary bike and tredmill and nordictrac and weight lifting bench thing and a chinups bar, but he also bought a bunch of new contraptions that are being delivered and installed right now. I think that's silly. And I also hope he doesn't wake me up early in the morning this summer when I'm trying to sleep and he's trying to ride a stationary bike.

2004-05-20T22:44:00.000-05:00

Would make a better senior song than the crappy party one we have? Ashley thinks so...

Not Done Yet

It's been one of those days for a lot of days now,
I need a day where the world can take care of itself.
This isn't what I wanted,
How I thought my life would turn out,
And I wonder if it's like this from here on out.

Sometimes life gets you,
But we go on.
Sometimes life gets you,
We're still going on.

We're not done yet,
not going quietly into the night,
Not me and my friends.
We're not done yet,
Don't take it too seriously,
It's just life
We'll win in the end.
And we walk on and on and on and on.
And we walk on and on and on.

It's been one of those days for too many days now,
I did a thing that I didn't want to do again.
I fell down in the place where I always fall down.
And I want to give up and let it be, what a friend.

Sometimes life gets you,
But we go on.
Sometimes life gets you,
We're still going on.
We're not done yet,
Not going quietly into the night,
Not me and my friends.
We're not done yet,
Don't take it too seriously,
It's just life We'll win in the end.
And we walk on and on and on and on.
And we walk on and on and on.

It's been one of those days,
But I don't care now,
It was only a day,
And tomorrow's ahead.
I got this far,
And I know that I can ride this one out,
Though I want to lay down,
But I won't quit yet.

Sometimes life gets you,
But we go on.
Sometimes life gets you,
we're still going on.
We're not done yet,
Not going quietly into the night,
Not me and my friends.
We're not done yet,
Don't take it too seriously,
It's just life
We'll win in the end.
And we walk on and on and on.
And we walk on and on and on.

2004-05-18T15:21:00.000-05:00

I slept soo well last night. Which I think is odd. I suppose I got home from work about 10:30, then I worked on my English project until about 12:30 when I realized, thanks to Diana, just how late it really was. So I put the project on a disk and crawled into bed. Said my prayers, curled up with a cat, and fell asleep pretty fast. Then I woke up very comfortable this morning about 6:30. I wasn't tired at all. I stayed in bed because it was so warm and soft and nice, and finally got up around 7:30.

I wonder if having good dreams makes me better rested. I suppose normally I have pretty bad dreams, whenever I can remember them, that is. Last night I had 2 or 3 really really good dreams. I woke up smiling, you know? I think maybe them being such good dreams let me sleep better. Or maybe its just that bad dreams make me sleep crappy, so when I have good dreams it feels so much better. But the point of the story is, I wasn't tired at all today. I didn't nap at school at all today. And I only got 5 or 6 hours asleep. If you know me, you know that's not enough.

I also have some words of wisdom for underclassment: Do not be scared of teachers. It took me until a few weeks ago to realize how much I can actually get away with. When was the last time you saw anyone wearing a lanyard? When was the last time you got a detention for eating in class? When was the last time you got you cell phone taken up? When was the last time you even heard about anyone getting caught leaving by Lopez?
*These things are in addition to your normal sleeping in class, running through the hallways sort of things*

2004-05-15T15:28:00.000-05:00

I've been doing to much lately and not thinking at all.

Here's all the crap that's floating around in my head that I need to get out:

I'm not dreading college anymore. I'm looking forward to it. There are so many reasons why now, when before there were so many reasons not to go.

a) I need away from my parents. Things are reaching an all time low- and it's mostly my fault. I accuse them of things they don't do. I beg them for things I don't need because I'm spoiled. I take advantage of having two nice and wealthy parents being around. I always take their support as criticism or at least fake. Maybe putting some distance between me and them will help me appreciate them a little more or at least act civil towards them. Plus it will be good for them becuase they want to start traveling now.

b) I used to be afraid of losing all the great friends I have here. Now I'm not afraid, because I realized I don't have many. I know that I know a lot of people, and I know I have I guess a decent number of friends, but most of them are fake. And I'm NOT criticizing. I know I can be way more than fake. I know I'm a terrible friend to a lot of people. I'm not saying any of this to be mean to anyone. And I'm also counting the great friends I have. And to those few: Thank you so much, for making my life as great as it is, and for teaching me all that you have, and for helping me everytime I ask, and for lending me money when I need it (I'll pay you all back today). One time a wise friend once told me that if something is meant to happen, it will. And I believe that. I believe that I will keep in touch with those friends, and spend many a great weekend with them, but I am so glad I'm not coming home for Christmas Break next year, because there are so many people here that I know I won't want to see. That I already don't want to see.

c).

Nevermind, the only two reasons I want to go to college are to get away from losers here. I am a sucker for running away from my problems. I'll let you know in a year if it worked.

2004-05-12T15:48:00.000-05:00

My my my. It's been a while, eh? My internet went down Friday night I suppose, which has greatly hindered my chatting online and my ability to do my english project.

But now I'm back! I've been quite busy lately. I want to hang out with Diana and Stephanie, but I'm busy. I have to study for APs, and I have band too much. Too much band. I don't work so much, but I'm alright with that. I'll die from secondhand smoke if I'm there too much.

I went to dinner last night after sectionals with Martin and David, Annette and her husband, and Jeff and his family. Jeff and Annette and David and Martin and I all used to work together. Then Martin went to Abuelo's, and the three of them all transfered to Hurst. So we met and the Abuelo's in Hurst because we had a contest once, and loser had to buy dinner. Martin and I lost, but they cheated. But it was so much fun anyway! Plus I haven't paid Martin back. He just put it all on his card. I miss those kids a lot. And their families were really nice too. I wish they still worked there with me.

I went to coffee house on Friday. I wasn't thouroughly impressed, but overall, it came off much, much better than I expected it to. There were more people there than I thought there would be, the live taping of the acts worked out pretty well, the food was good, the acts were great, and the decorations were cool. So anybody reads this that had anything to do with coffee house, congrats. You guys did a really awesome job.

I had an AP exam today. I sat between Austin Hollis and Nicholas Glassey. Tomorrow I don't know who I'll sit by. Half the fun is the mystery of who you get to share a table with. The other half is knowing you're skipping band and german, and get a super long lunch!

My mom and I have been getting along lately I think.

I shall have a graduation/ birthday party. Friday, June 4th. At 5. At my house. Bring a bathing suit, and a towel. I'll even trade you some hot dogs or hamburgers for presents. Free cake and drinks and stuff, too. And wish me a happy, happy birthday!

2004-05-06T22:22:00.000-05:00

Hello. It's me again. And what a day? Not.

I woke up, and took a test for a few hours. Then I had lunch for a few hours. Then I got like a 10 dollar ticket to Six Flags (yay!). Then I went to math. Then I went shopping. Then band. Then Hollywood, the bank, Hollywood, Nick's house, Albertsons, and finally made it home at 9:30. Oh yeah, it's been a tough day.

Christy took my paycheck home with her yesterday. She's a real jerk, and I don't like her. I want to transfer now.

Sometimes I feel very secure, and very sure of myself. Other times I want to jump off a promontory. I get scared. I'm not mature enough to make adult decisions, no way. I can't even dress myself properly!

2004-04-29T21:28:00.000-05:00

Well, today was a good day!

I got a text message from my dad at 6:50. That's AM folks. But I didn't know the answer so I went back to sleep. Then my alarm clock went off a little later. So I turned that off and went back to sleep. I finally rolled out of bed around 9:45 or 10. Martin called shortly after and I can't really remember why anymore. Then I showered, read a little, ate breakfast, and went to senior pictures. At the park. Very pretty, but rainy. There was a little confusion on the time, but no big deal, it turned out ok for the most part.

Then I followed Nick to donut palace. Then he beat me back to school. For third period, we went to Sonic. Then we came to school just as the bell for lunch was ringing. Then Mr. Villareal tried to make me to physical labor. I made a freshman do it. Then I went to 4th period, but only for a minute or so, because he took us all to the cafeteria and pulled one of those "you all have to go to work? It's ok, I understand, you can leave" so we all left. I went to the field house, because i've never really been there. Then I walked to my car.

At sonic, some mean bullies were making fun of me for being pale, so I put on my bathing suit and washed my car. You won't believe I have a tan line but I'm still this white. Then I went back in school to pretend to play wall ball. But I wasn't strong enough to really play. So I went inside and talked to Travis, then Scott. Then I spun around in circles until I got very dizzy and ran into the door, then into this one girl who I don't know who she was because I was still kind of spinning. I'm sorry to you, girl. Then I sat to try to regain my balance and Nick and Larry came and we played with a balloon and I showed them my new music book. Then we have a clinic. Lots of band lately. Then some not-really soccer in the parking lot, then home for dinner. Now I'll read until I go to bed.

Yay for no school this week. And starting Monday my math teacher will be gone for 2 weeks so I think that is also good and because we haven't had a test in there for 3 weeks and I like not doing math. And also yay becuase people tell me a lot lately that I'm pretty and that makes me feel pretty so I like it. Thank you! Keep it up, people!

2004-04-26T15:27:00.000-05:00

Yay! Prom was soo much fun!

I got my nails done Friday night it wasn't my first manicure, but it was my first full pedicure and I was sure I was going to hate it! But as ticklish as I am, I actually let her massage my feet and legs and everything and it was fine. After that, I fell asleep and then Martin picked me up and we went to North to suprise Conrad. Nick met us there, but since it was storming bad they cancelled it, so we went to Starbucks then picked up Connors and ended up just sitting on Martin's patio watching the storm for a long time. It was fun, because I like those 4 people a lot. I noticed the 4 of us hanging out a lot lately, and it makes me miss Diana sooo much...

Saturday I woke up early and got my hair done. We left a little early to go to the store first to buy what I wanted in my hair, but Mom and I couldn't agree and ended up arguing, so I left the store with nothing. :( Then we went to the salon, which was in old Carrolton. First we went to this cute little coffee place. And outside the gazebo (how do you spell that) was all decorated with flowers and lights and gorgeous and I really wanted my pictures there. But I held my tounge. Then Mom started to take me into this antique store, and I told her we didn't have any time to go shopping. It turns out, my 80 year old hair stylist was inside the antique store/salon. I wanted to cry. As I was sitting there waiting for my turn, I was absolutely miserable. I just knew she was going to do this terrible job because she's old and she sells antiques and does hair on the side and I was really really upset. But I found about 20 pictures of what I wanted my hair to look like and made her look at all of them before she even started, and it turned out alright. Not what I wanted, but it was ok. I left there hating it, but then it kind of grew on me, until I got to the flower shop and I saw everyone's pretty hair and got sad again.

After the hair thing, I went to Conrad's house. His mom was in charge of my make up. She sells Mary-Kay, so she has unlimited access to samples, which are just the right amount. In fact, since my mom sells Avon, it's the same way with her. But I didn't want her to do my make up, which is another reason why she wasn't very happy with me. But Mrs. Schaars did an amazing job transforming me into something beautiful. No one recognized me, and I got more compliments then than any other day of my life. But as we were sitting at the dining room table I tired to include my mom as much as I could. I would ask her which colors she liked and how she liked it so far and every once and a while she'd offer a suggestion to Mrs. Schaars. Sometime while all of this was happening, Connor came downstairs wearing ugly jeans and a wrinkled shirt, and I told him he had to change. So he went and ironed his nice black clothes from Ireland, and I put on my dress and he came downstairs and was shocked and amazed. I was pretty. We took some pictures together, the last one was him carrying me. It was fun. Then our moms talked for forever and we got bored.

Then about 1:30 I'd say, Mom and I went to get the flowers. They weren't what I ordered at all. Not even the same color. In fact, they didn't even match each other. I didn't even think they were mine. But that's ok too, I ended up liking them also. Then I ate KFC. It tastes good and I was hungry. And then really really bored. So I called Nick and he was bored too and I headed over to his house. He needed to takes some pictures of him to put in the band video. After arguing with his mom about what shirt to wear, he took two, and we climbed over a stone wall into this one really pretty place and took pictures with a waterfall in the background and they turned out really really nice. He's pretty. Then we went back to his house and looked through old picture albums with his mom trying to find a baby picture for the video also. But around 4ish I think I went home, because I was tired again.

Dad wanted to go see Kill Bill with Brent, but my mom said he had to see me first, so I had to go put on my dress and shoes and jewelry and even take my purse downstairs so we could take one picture, then he left. Then I got some stuff ready like food and cleaned up my room and stuff. I was putting CDs in the car (Hanson, Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, Now 2, Rascal Flatts, and Simple Plan) when Nick and his mom came. Then we all went to the Gaylord Texan (it just sounds lovely, doesn't it?) to take pictures with the whole group. Pictures there took forever and a half. My mom didnt get to take my picture in front of any of the places she wanted to, because some of the parents were really pushy. One time she yelled when this one lady walked in front of her camera. I laughed at her for that. But Nick and I got to take a picture with Kevin and Amy, and I really like that picture.

Then back to my house to drop of the parents (who went to dinner together. it's hard when they're friends because they talk about me and nick) and we went to pick up Larry and Aubrey. Then dinner came with a valet. And Nick was very grown up when he tipped him. And the boys took care of the meal. And it was good. I ate a lot.

Then prom was sooo much fun. We took pictures at first, then walked around talking to everyone and seeing everyone for about the first half. Then Nick and I went dancing for the second half. We slow danced and swing danced and fast danced and macarena danced and it was soo much fun. And then I did some Ashley dancing. I'm good at dancing. Haha. On the dance floor I think we actually mostly talked to Malory, cus Larry and Aubrey wouldn't come and dance much. But I had so much fun at prom. I can't remember the last time I had that much fun!

Then we went to my house. It was terrible. And boring. So after 2 movies, Nick and I went to IHOP. It was good, but neither of us felt like eating much. He paid, it was nice. Then we drove around because we didn't want to go back to my house yet. Nick kinda dozed off, and with no one to talk to I was getting pretty drowzy myself. I had to turn the radio up and sing out loud to stay awake. Then we went to my house and picked up Aubrey and Larry and took them to Aubrey's house, then Nick and I went to church to sing in the first service. Michelle skipped. Nick's breakfast didn't agree with him. Then we talked ouside in the parking lot for a little while about prom. Then home.

I tired to sleep, after i spent half an hour taking out my hair, but my mom had all these ladies come over, and they all rang the doorbell. And talked loudly, because they're old and can't hear well. Then we had a Ruach concert and had to be at church at 1:45. Then lunch, then choir, then youth, then out again with Connor and Martin. I told you we hang out a lot. We picked up chips and salsa and headed to Connor's house and sat on the porch eating and it was fun too. Then we plugged Martin's camera into the tv to watch pics from prom, but Nick's mom called about 12 times, so I had to take him home. And then I went home. It was about 10. And a little later I went to sleep because I was still so tired.

The end and prom was so much fun and I want to have a prom 2. Like homecoming 2, but better.

2004-04-23T07:45:00.000-05:00

Ah ha! Here's an example of something I can't change! Tomorrow (prom) there are supposed to be thunder storms all day. But I obviously can't do a thing about that, so I won't worry about it. It could be fun to go puddle jumping! So it's a good thing we're taking pictures at an indoor garden place. And it'll give Nick a chance to see the windshield wipers that automatically come on when it rains! But I'm not sure we can go swimming anymore; it could be dangerous!

2004-04-22T22:03:00.000-05:00

I really struggle a lot with which sort of things I have control over and which I don't. You know, sometimes people say "well you can't do anything about it so just live with it." But I hate it when they say that and you know it can be fixed. But it also drives me crazy when people try so hard to change things that you can't change.

I guess from far away it's a lot easier to tell though. I think I can usually tell the difference in someone else's situation, but I really struggle with figuring it out for my own. And no, this actually isn't about college. It's about just about everything else: friends, prom, work, school, band, feelings, thoughts. It's hard.

Today doesn't feel like a school night at all. I went to band all day. Dumb ol' contest. But at least no German class today. I know next week will be so hard after having 3 four day weeks in a row, and only going to school for 3 days this week really. Plus I'll be tired from prom.

After we got back from Band, I went to church and picked up Heidi. We saw Maxanne in the parking lot, and she wanted to hang out with us and suggested we all go to the park and fly kites! So, since Nick got two lovely kites from Maxanne for his birthday, we went to his house and rang the doorbell. He didn't answer that or the 5 million phone calls I placed because, as I found out later, he was busy doing his hair. So at least he was pretty while it was still wet.

I took Heidi with me to my house so I could change, then Nick met us here with the kites. And we did nothing for a while. Then we went and got slurpees first. And took a bag of potato chips with us to much on. And Maxanne said she had to babysit her sister who's in 6th grade and that's dumb, so we brought her a cherry slurpee, and we went to Andy Brown. East, that is. It was hard to fly that kite! And this one boy took my picture.

Then we were out of slurpees and done flying a kite so we went to Holywood to rent what we would watch after prom. We decide on Prom Night. How appropriate. It shall be fun. And then Heidi had to go back to church because it was after 7 and it was time for her to go home, so Nick and I went to my house. I think we were about to have a conversation, and then I saw my mom driving away, so I hopped out of the car and asked her to take us to dinner, because when parents pay, it's free.

On the way home, Nick drove my mom's car. Then I told him that poem about waltzing is really about child abuse. Then I went back to Hollywood to rent Kill Bill for Daddy, and Jonathan told me he thought that girl I was with was hot. I said she's 15. He said that's illegal. Then some secret stuff happened. And now I'm home, and I'll watch a movie.

Today was fun, because it felt like summer. Or at least a long weekend. I'll miss doing things like this when I'm gone. Maybe I'll find people like to hang out with who are cool enough to make any Thursday afternoon feel like a nice summer day.

2004-04-21T00:12:00.000-05:00

Well, here I am exercising my right to instant communication power by posting my thoughts to the web whenever the urge strikes.

Today was stressful, somewhat. I had a boring day at school. It's pointless, it is. I go to band, and sleep while other people practice, because I don't play much. Then I go to second period (german) and sleep because she's working with the german 4 kid instead of us german 3 kids. Then in english, we finished 40 minutes early. So I called Nick, but I'd already gotten in trouble once for text messaging that period, so I put it away and slept. Then I went to math, where he said to finish the worksheets I finished on Friday. Indeed. So today I did about an hour of school work. It would be so much better if only I could attend for that hour then leave. The rest of those 5 hours I could be working or watching movies or shopping or reading or something!

I used to not mind school much. I've always done my homework. I even did all my reading assignments in AP government and APUSH and AP economics and everything! But now I don't have any homework. Or even classwork for that matter.

Anyways, after school, I came home and watched Intolerable Cruelty. It was mighty good. And funny. Then I headed up to sectionals, which are never mighty good. Or funny. And then Nick drove my car. Then Ashley drove Nick's car. Hehe. That was mighty good too. I had a jolly good time. And then I went to work. Thankfully, Wind Song said he could cover for me for the start of my shift, since I have sectionals every day of the week. Then I worked. And I found out my new favorite employee shall leave too. That's like 8 in a row now. (No, I'm not exaggerating if I can name them: Jarid, old David, Annette, Jeff, new David, Martin, Chad, and now Jeremey.) It's getting quite rediculous. Tomorrow, since I have sectionals again, Jeremey was supposed to work the first part of my shift, but since he's got that new job at walmart, he shan't be available. But he talked to Christy and she said it's ok if I'm just a little late. She doesn't know my sectionals don't even start until 5:30. Oh dear.

I've been upset lately. Last night I hit absolute rock bottom. I think sleeping all day at school made me feel better. And all of these compliments:

cb7895 (7:38:46 PM): i REALLY like reading your blog. you think a lot like me.

tdisen (10:40:24 PM): thank you for quoting me...i felt special:-D

the duktape man (10:43:06 PM): hey your xanga feeilngs thing hit the spot for me

RelientDay (9:59:35 PM): i like your blog bunches

Thanks guys, I write for people like you!

When I came home from work, I all of the sudden was bombarded with IMs. It was a little much, but I enjoyed it because I don't talk online much, and usually when I do it's only to Nick or Connor. But tonight it was a thousand people. And tonight it was also a thousand serious conversations. Plus a phone call. So if I seemed slow guys, it's just because I had a lot going on. I still love all of you.

They part that was wierdest about tonight is what everyone said to me. Tim talked about Bush/Americans accepting homosexuality for what it is. Scott asked me about friendships. Martin and I discussed real love. Travis and I talked about gossip. Nick and I talked about it all. Mostly about all the things we're upset about. That's not as weird as the others. Aubrey and I talked about lies. I don't know if it's really a small world afterall, or if I only saw the relationships in one conversation to another aspect of my life because it was all flying around in my head so fast. But it all made me think. And I think I'm upset.

2004-04-19T23:02:00.000-05:00

How long can you go around faking your feelings, emotions, and thoughts? I, appearantly, can only go a few weeks before it all blows up and I just can't take it any longer. I'm so ready for everything to end. Let it all be over and done with.

It's been less than a month, and I've already lost it. I just hate being fake! But I hate being unhappy. So I hate this. And yeah, I know hate is a strong word.

It's easier when your build your life around God, instead of friends because he doesn't move or go away or get too busy for you. Or change his mind. He's got your back, through thick and thin. And he's entertaining, too. I know. Jesus is my friend.

I love it when I read exactly what I need:

You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.
-Isaiah 26:3

I told you to build your life around him.

2004-04-18T22:59:00.000-05:00

The greenest trees you'll ever see
Are the ones in your mind.
And all the answers and all the dreams
Will come to you in time.

Yeah, you are living life
The way you feel.

I know the world around you
Everyone shares the sky.
You never see darkness,
You are the daylight.

Yeah, you are living life
The way you feel.

Go away with a smile.
Don't forget about your past.
Don't keep yourself from giving.
I am always watching you
Be yourself and stayin' true
'Cause it makes me feel like life's worth living.

The way you feel.

I've never minded where you're going.
I know that change is a part of you.
I'm not gonna hide anymore, I'm gonna listen to myself
And maybe one day I can be real too.

Yeah, you are living the life,
Yeah you are, you are living the life.
Don't you know that you are living life.
The way you feel.
And that is real.

Living Life- Ben Kweller.

2004-04-15T23:05:00.000-05:00

Well today was a long day right? I stayed up pretty late last night, so when my alarm clock went off at 7 this morning, I opted to hit the snooze button. Only I haven't quite gotten the hang on my new alarm clock yet, so I couldn't remember which button was my snooze button. I had a 50/50 chance. But I hit the off button instead. I woke up at 8:33, 13 minutes after honor band starts. I decided it would be best to not got to band and get in trouble, so I took my time getting ready, and studied for my German test. I was going to do the math homework I didn't do last night, but my internet was broken. Also, I broke my necklace. I thought it was going to be a very bad day. But actually it wasn't.

I went to the rest of school, and then just after 4th period, I found out I had sectionals! So I rushed home, grabbed some stuff I need, and ran out to hollywood then the grocery store. Then I was heading to school about 3:30 and I was actually just walking over to Nick's car to put a note on it, see, when I heard this bottle rolling across the parking lot. I turned to look, and out of no where this guy TACKLES ME! It was Nick. His teacher let him out of class early for no good reason. So we went to the bank, then to sectionals. And somewhere in there I ate some cookies and gave away some cookies, but I forgo them and left them at school. They'll be there overnight...

Sectionals were boring but short, so it's ok. Then Nick and I went shopping for his mom's birthday present, since her birthday is today. At the mall, this one guy said howdy to Nick. It was funny. And then free dinner at Boston Market because the sidekicks are such good players (playoff game tomorow night! I'm excited!!) Then we warmed up for years. Then our concert took a few more years. I'm 30 now, by the way.

My parents are out of town, and I like that. Mom is staying at the hotel where we're taking prom pictures, not senior pictures. She's on a retreat sort of thing with her red hat society club thing. And Dad is somewhere for a few nights, then he'll be home one night and then be gone for a few more. I don't really keep track anymore. I heard this thing on the radio this afternoon about families who are really rich that always go to lots of nice places and have nice things but never see one another and the kids raise themselves and are very independent, but when they grow up, they only think of themselves, just like their parents. I hope that doesn't happen to me.

P.S., you have 56 minutes left, according to my clock, to file your taxes. I would know, my dad's an accountant.

2004-04-14T18:17:00.000-05:00

Sectionals got moved all around. He said "what is this? what is this?" in that weird way that he always says it. He was very unhappy, but for some reason yelled at just about everyone BUT Greg, who was late today and didn't even come yesterday. Odd, I say.

I found out today that Jennifer Gillings has pre cal with the same teacher as me. This is not the first time this has happened. But I can't remember how many times this has happened. I know, because I saw a test with her name on it on the top of a stack. She got a 95. Good job Jennifer.

After sectionals got all moved and stuff, I went and ate a successful meal with Nick Glassey at Wendys. Soon I shall head off to work.

I'm really into Isaiah. I read about 20 pages last night. That's a lot, when you're reading from the bible. Today I can't read as much, because I'm actually busy. And I have to do a homework check online tonight for math. Someone remind me. And I need Dad to give me money, because I'm running out. I guess I'll have to get a job. No, I have one, I just don't work at it. Except for right now. Bye.

2004-04-13T20:47:00.000-05:00

Here it is, once and for all: Why I Don't Want To Go To College.

Once upon a time, I was accepted to Baylor, then A&M, and I was deciding between them. It took me a while, but I finally zoomed in on tamu and decided that was the better place for me. Then I got a letter from Trinity, a tiny school in San Antonio I fell in love with once a long time ago. Suddenly, 3 options was too much for me to handle, and I flipped out.My feet haven't found the ground yet... By May 1st, I have to have a letter postmarked to one of these schools indicating them as my final decision. My dad kept pressuring me to pick one, and I still didn't know, so I said Trinity. We sat down one night and filled out the paper work to accept all my scholarships and picked a major and everything and mailed it in. The end, you would think. Then I woke up in the middle of the night and started filling out the form to ask for my money back, and I filled out all the forms to be an aggie, but I couldn't find my checkbook and I fell back asleep.

Trinity is a good school. They have really smart kids, a small acceptance rate. They're small, about the size of CHS. They have hallympics (dorm v. dorm olympics). The campus is really pretty. The dorms are super, super nice (everyone has their own walk in closet, bathrooms are shared between suites, private balconies, maid service). They have a really nice cafeteria with tons of options and tasty food. I got lots of money in scholarships. The library is massive and beautiful. The theater program is intense. The River Walk is close by, just like Fiesta Texas and I guess the Alamo if you're into that sort of thing.

But A&M is appealing to me for different reasons, which is what makes them so hard to compare. I never wanted to go there in the first place. I guess you could say this whole thing is Nick's fault. I wanted to go to UT, but we took a campus tour and I ended up not liking it at all. Then on the way back (kind of on the way...) my dad drove Nick and I to A&M. And I loved it. I could see myself there. I didn't like the one place where you can't walk on the grass, but I liked how they show movies in this one theater, and I could see myself going there, and I could see myself shopping in their little bookstore and I could see myself studying in that library and I could see myself going out with friends to those restaraunts. And that's the difference.

Trinity has so many great things. But A&M just felt a better color for me... [shallow comparison]-----> It's like when I was shopping for my prom dress, and I absolutely loved the light blue one- everything about it! But the pink just looked better on me than light blue, so I got it... I still want that blue dress, but I know this pink one will make me very happy.

And another thing! I hate how people talk about college all the time! Because everyone is looking forward to it but me, since I don't even know if I'm going to the right place. My dad goes to A&M once every week or two to recruit people, and he always tells them about me, and they always tell him it's a great place and I should go there. But the lawyer lady who works with my dad went to Trinity and she's just like me, dad says, and she loved it and says I have to go there! And it's not just them. Nick says stuff like "I was in English today and my whole table is all going to A&M but so is this one girl and we were talking about how we're going to see her when we're there and it'll be bad." But that's not so bad afterall, because I won't see anyone I know, and I'll be scared and lonely. I want friends to be with me where ever I go.

And don't tell me I'll make new friends in college. I'm sure I will. But I finally like the friends I've got now! And don't tell me we'll keep in touch since we have AIM and cell phones. Because before this weekend I hadn't seen Diana in months. And I never talk to Steph Sneakers either. They were my two best friends less than a year ago. No one can say that they'll have enough time to keep up with everyone they were best friends with in high school. But I bet it's a lot easier if you still see them all the time.

I like the way things are going now, without me in college. And I don't want them to change, ok?

Once for April Fools day we told Mrs. Smith I got accepted to Harvard, and she seemed to think that was a great place to go! Maybe I'll go there instead.

2004-04-12T22:33:00.000-05:00

Today seemed very long. But at the same time it doesn't feel like 10:30 yet. Maybe 8. Do you hear that clock? Presto Change-o! Or not. Anyhow, I woke up, then the fab four did basically the same plan as Friday, except this time it worked. And, I suppose, since we were pretending it was Friday, we even went there to eat. Our waitress wasn't pretty, but she got the check to us right away when we asked. The movie was alright. There wasn't anything bad about it I guess, but I wasn't exactly in the mood for it. I hadn't read anything about it and I didn't know what it was about before we went. I thought it was a comedy.

Then Baskin Robbins. Many flavors. But the wrong people were working, so it wasn't free. My dad always groans when I tell him what I got/gave free that day. He always tells me to remind him that when he gets older and opens his own business to never ever ever hire teenagers because we give away too much stuff. He's right though. But I don't care, I'll enjoy my free stuff as long as I can. Just like I'll enjoy eating my kid's meals at restauraunts as long as I can. And YOU can't stop me.

Then home. And homework. Blech. School tomorrow. Blech. I wish there were more long weekends like this. I'm glad next week is a 4 day week (though it looks like it shall be very full, with band every day...) and the week after that is a 4 day week. Short weeks make me mucho happy. Where is my family?

2004-04-12T10:09:00.000-05:00

In addition to watching a lot of TV, I've totally reconnected with oldies and country music this week. Do I have terrible taste or what!! :)

One of the first songs my dad ever taught me just came on the radio... "I can't get no.... satisfaction" I was adorable singing it when I was Baby Ashley, I'm sure.

Ooh! And I've gained 2 1/2 pounds! I'm on my way to my goal for prom! This 4 meal a day thing really works...

And this made me laugh: tdisen (11:11:36 PM): jeremiah managed to sneak in 1 or 10 solos

2004-04-11T23:21:00.000-05:00

Hi! Today was good because even though I woke up late, and I missed two services, I went to them in my dreams. So that was alright. And Elizabeth and Aubrey said I'm hot. And Nick even remembered the first time I wore that dress! He's got a photographic memory, you know... And then I didn't do anything Eastery, I guess becuase my family doesn't really believe in God a lot... if any. But I watched some TV and ate some chips, and then I went to Ruach at 6. Ruach is good. Even though Ray is a little crazy sometimes, he's a very nice and good hearted and I like him.

After Ruach, Scott and Nick and I went to eat which was nice because I never see Scott anymore in light of recent events. So hanging out with him is cool. He's funny. AND he started sneezing when we were in line at CiCi's, and who would be behind us but the Hsus! I love Steph Sneakers, and I miss her a lot! So that was a real treat. After that we were supposed to go with Larry and Aubrey and some others, but things didn't happen that way.

Tonight was also my dad's birthday dinner because his birthday is tomorrow but he will be at UT I think, or A&M, I can't remember. He's been recruiting students a lot lately.

Tomorrow we're going to give Diana-Ashley day another try, which rocks. Becuase she rocks. So we'll use our free passes to see the movie we wanted to see in the first place, and it will be good.

On top of all that, things with Nick are go exceptionally well, and I'm still looking forward to prom a lot. It looks like our camping plans might have been ruined by band. No real suprise there. Yay for four day weekends! This one has felt as long as spring break, and it's way fun. Yay for weekends, Yay for Easter, Yay for I Love Lucy.

2004-04-10T16:17:00.000-05:00

This has been like the best weekend ever, and it's only saturday afternoon so far! It's only half over! Thursday afternoon feels like so long ago... I went and ate Long John Silvers after school, which is always really good, with Nick, and that's always fun. I told him lots of stories. After a while, I went to church, and church is good too! I can't remember what happened after church. Yes I do! We went to Chili's Too, a ton of us did. And I taught the little Atkins girl a tricky way to play telephone. It was a blast. And Nick drove my car. That's not allowed.

Then Friday I woke up and got ready to have a Diana-Ashley day! It was great, I hadn't seen her in forever! Diana, I heart you! It was way fun, we all met at my house, minus Nick because he had to do some stuff for his mom. We went and picked him up and went to Logan's (we being Nick, Diana, me, Conrad, and Martin). They have good free bread, which we practically inhaled, and a goofy waiter who did some weird stuff with money when we paid. Then we took Conrad home and went to a movie, which didn't work, but that's ok becuase we saw a different one, plus got coupons for free ones! AND my popcorn didn't cost me anything becuase I had coupons for that too! So yay for free things! Then we went and walked around the lake at Andy Brown, which was also free, and fun because Martin is a baby. Then we went to Martin's house and had free ice cream in a cone and everything. It was great. Then we went to the grocery store and bought tomatos I think. Then to my house and watched a little TV till it was time for everyone to leave.

Then I went to church again. Good Friday always has the best service. And it's dark and scary and good and I really liked it a lot. After that, the group split up like it always does... don't even get me started on that... then I was heading home, but Nick suggested we go eat, so I said CiCi's, but when we got there it was closing. So we ordered an Alfredo pizza (my favorite) for take out, then went to Albertson's and bought cheap drinks, plus dessert for Nick becuase he's worth it. Then we folded down the seats in the back of his car and had a spontaneous picnic in the parking lot. It was a great ending. When I got home, I decided it was time to rearrange my room, so I did until about 12:30, when my mom came upstairs and told me to stop sleep-walking. I wasn't really sleep-walking at all.

Today I mostly just finished moving furniture around. I like this a lot better. It feels like I have a lot more room, but mostly I love it because it's easier for me to lay down and watch TV, plus it's different from before, and I'm in this weird mood where I really need some change. Around lunch time, I made lunch, and then decided to make brownies. Then Nick called and I told him to eat some, so he came over after a while and we channel surfed while he ate a brownie and drank a lot of Hawaiian Punch. And played with cats.

Then I went to work. Nick brought me dinner, which was very nice of him. Thank you very much Nick! And Mr. Gray came in twice, and I miss him so much! He was the best band director ever, and he remembered me, which TOTALLY made my day. And he told me about his new church and I want to go to it some time. And I figured out that the reason I don't like working anymore is that I only got the job in the first place so that I would have something to occupy my time while all of my friends had Sound Of Music. But now that SOM is over, I suddenly don't want to work anymore, I want to hang out with them instead. Especially because Annette, Jeff, Martin, Chad, David, and David are gone. And the people left are not good. But I talked with the new Assi Manager the other night, and he seems pretty decent, and Christy was really nice to me today and even deleted a late fee without me asking, and I worked with Jeremy we got along really well, so it's not something I dread anymore. Plus, I only work one night a week or less, so it's not like it steals all my time away from being with my friends.

I just wish every weekend could be as great as this weekend. If I was always in this good of a mood, like would be awesome. But for now I'll just enjoy it as it comes.

2004-04-10T13:02:00.000-05:00

I haven't watched TV for the longest time. Sometimes maybe when I come home from somewhere, my parents will be downstairs watching something and I'll see it as I pass by, but I never even turn the one in my room on. But now I started watching it again, and I remember how much I miss it! Now that I don't work as much anymore, I could watch it whenever I want! I'm glad TV is always there for me, even when I ignore it for two trimesters...

2004-04-09T23:35:00.000-05:00

I don't want to change people. Sometimes I just I could change what they think or believe. Do you believe in fate? Or coincidences? Or the will of God? I struggle with all of those concepts, and I usually believe the one that I want to in a particular situation. I don't want to be a controlling person, I really don't. I just wish I could change certain things... It kills me to sit by and watch everything go by wrong. I hate thinking there's absolutely nothing I can do about it! I want to believe that everything is the will of God, that he does have a plan for everyone, and we're just following it. And I know I'm not supposed to understand every part of a plan he presents. Is this really the plan for my life? Wat happens if I don't want to follow it...