Ashley: Part Time Mafia
Hi. I'm Ashley. This is my story
This is Nick right before his Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat audition. Sadly, he didn't make it.
This is Nick again, right before his Diet Coke commercial audition. Sadly, he didn't get this part either. After this, his entire world pretty much came crashing down around him.
I decided that in order to cheer up my good friend, I would put on crazy hats and make faces. He didn't laugh. I knew I had to think up something much better...
I thought sending him on a blind date with my friend Minnie would do wonders for the kid. The two really hit it off.
Let's get a close up of that. Right. But it was just a fling, it didn't make him happy. I had to come up with another idea...
I decided to take him to the tiny Merry-Go-Round at McDonald's, but sadly, they've now replaced the toy with an empty, sad fountain. Luckily, I had a plan B.
I decided it would cheer him up if I got him a new car, so we set out to steal one. This is the one we ended up with. It looks pretty nice on the inside, I think...
Sadly, there was a big dent on the outside. The owner was even nice enough to label it for us, but we weren't paying attention when we were hot-wiring it...
Nick still wasn't cheery, so we went to a movie at the awesome dollar theater.
He didn't like the movie, but I noticed he did have his eyes on a pretty little girl in front of us named Diana. I decided it was in Nick's best interest to kidnap her.
We followed her to her house, but when we broke in we could only find this cat... we needed some help if we were serious about finding her and holding her against her will.
So we called Emily. She knows everything that goes on in this one-horse town. She also drives a pretty awesome car. I noted this in case we needed to steal it later.
Emily warned us that in order to get to Diana, we were going to have to go through Martin, her huge asian body guard, first.
Since we now had to kidnap an extra person, we decided it would be wise to invest some time in stealing a bigger car. We didn't want them to be uncomfortable or anything. We settled on this SUV.
We followed Emily's tips to a little place called Coppell where Martin supposedly lived. Luckily this place was only about the size of a q-tip, so we found him right away.
We drugged him up good and threw him in the back of the SUV. With him out of the way, we could go after Diana with no problems.
We were having problems locating her, so we pulled over off the highway and asked my boyfriend if he had seen her. Luckily, she had just driven by not too long ago, so we were able to catch her and kidnap her.
We followed my boyfriend's directions to her house, but there was some road construction. The sudden overbearing amount of orange in the world caused us to almost crash our new stolen car!
Thank goodness we found her. She looks happy here, but she's only smiling because I'm holding both a camera and a gun.
It was starting to look pretty gross outside, like it might rain or something. We decided we needed to find a hideout before the weather broke.
As we were looking for a secure location, Nick spied a very tall tower in Irving very similar to my own tower apartment in San Antonio. We decided this would be the best location to wait out the storm.
Once Martin woke up from the influence of the drugs, it was difficult to make him cooperate. He insisted on calling the cops.
Luckily Nick thinks fast on his feet. He locked him in there good. Heh Heh. Now we had Diana all to ourselves!
However, when he settled down to "get to know" Diana a little, she lit his hair on fire with her lighter. Smoking is such a nasty habit, really.
Nick was devestated. He's already had such a bad day, and now his hair is gone! We tried a hat to cover it, but it just made it more obvious that the back was so long and the front so short.
I said we should just dye it purple and then everyone would be paying more attention to the color instead of the length, but he didn't like that idea, and struggled against me.
Then I said, why don't we put your hair into three pony tails, so that you'll look like a unicorn! Girls love unicorns!
He let me try, but his hair was just so stubborn and the unicorn horn just fell right out... it was tragic.
Then we decided to just do pigtails, and it worked wonderfully! Hoorah!
It worked so well, in fact, that we decided to take another picture of it, just in case the first one didn't come out.
But then the photography crew took a third picture. Don't they know people are never photogenic the third time around? Sheesh, they possibly just ruined this entire story...
Anyway, then Diana and Nick locked eyes and madly, passionately smiled at each other, leaving me to just sadly watch them be happy.. :(
After that, things got a little crazy. I'm not gonna lie, some clothes definitely came off.
Be careful guys. Keep in mind Nick has a higher rollover risk than the average pigtail wearing guy...
Well, watching that was pretty uncomfortable, but I didn't have anywhere to go because my boyfriend was still building a highway somewhere. I didn't have anything to do, so I just went downstairs and hung out with Lulu and Fred, my favorite ducks. That's the last time I ever try to cheer you up, Nick.
posted by Ashley @ 4/30/2005 07:57:00 PM
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