I think when I grow up, I'll be the type to donate my excess funds rather than spend them on over the top items. For instance, an example of what I would not do is buy a new house that's bigger when we need a smaller one, a brand new top of the line most expensive lexus when i already basically have one, and plan a trip to Australia for a freaking month, all in the same year, at least. Now, maybe that's living the high life for some, but it's things like that that prove other people are starving in inner-city Dallas. What if we gave away just a quarter of that money that we spent? Or just 10%. The church didn't get a dime of that. Nor did any non-profit group. Or even the stinking band. Maybe that money could have been better spent.

I think when I grow up that ya, if I'm rich I'll buy a pretty nice car, live in a house big enough for me and my family, but if someone needs the money to get food on the table more than I need a slightly newer car, I'd give it to them.

It's sad when I think I'm pretty, but the only people who compliment me are grown ups I don't even know, because all of my friends are too busy fighting and talking about everyone else fighting to even say a kind word. Today was Hannah's birthday party, and I skipped it, only to be ignored by the majority. I take back every single thing I said I wanted for Christmas. I don't care about a reading lamp or the Target gift cards or even getting my burning car fixed. I'll trade it all. All I really want for Christmas is friends who care, and actually give a shit about each other.

Today was the most I've prayed in a long time, but I feel rotten about it. The last time I prayed this much was at the same time: pre-area. Last year all I wanted to do was get moved up a band. This year all I wanted to do was stay. I think I prayed in every period today, not to mention every time I was in that ready chair. But you know what, it's all worthless. I waste so much of my time on the stupid things like this that just don't matter. No one cares about this sort of thing. It's band. There are dying people the world over. Granted, my prayer one day during the moment of silence won't cure the AIDS problem in Madagascar, but if I took all the hours I've spent over the last 6 or 7 years of my life that I applied to band, and applied maybe just half of them to something worthwhile, like helping people, I think the world could probably be a better place. And my life could probably be a better one.

I'm mad at people who get mad for no good reason, tell the world about it, and none of them will tell me either. If someone has a problem with me, they should tell me so I can fix it or get out of their way. And I'm also mad that other people tell me the person who was mad is not anymore, and then I make a fool of myself being nice to them when they're obviously still mad at me.

And I'm mad that people "invite" me to things, when really all they do is say, no, you knew about it, but you have to work. No, I didn't know about it, and you didn't know I had to work. So why doesn't everyone just stop lying to me? It's killing me...