The Birds

I know there is already a book, and then a movie, and then a color movie, but I'm here to tell you a whole other about The Birds.

It all started Friday morning. It was a normal Friday morning. I woke up, and went to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth and stuff. We have a round little window in the sink room of my bathroom, and I always look out it while I brush my teeth. Well, on Friday I was quite shocked to see 40, maybe 50 of the fattest, ugliest, red/brown/orange belliedest I have ever seen. And they were all sitting on the guys house across the alley.

I was quite shocked for many reasons. One, I'd never seen birds that even remotely resembled these birds. Two, there were SO many of them! And three, they were all sitting on that one roof, no other house or tree or fence or blade of grass.

Saturday Morning, I awoke to the same routine. I went to the bathroom to wash my face, brush my teeth, and the like. By Saturday I had forgotten all about these odd ball birds. Until I brushed my teeth and looked out the window. This time there were just as many birds, but they were no longer on the same house. They had all moved to the house across the alley NEXT DOOR to the house they were at the day before. Well, I though this very odd indeed. And again, besides the few in the air, all the other identical birds were only sitting on the roof, and nowhere else.

Well, I don't look out that direction much, and I again forgot about these ugly, fat birds. Until Sunday morning. I would tell you I went to the bathroom again, but that would be incredibly pointless to tell you about in this blog because that's not where I saw them! So I won't waste my time with that. Instead, I'll tell you that I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom, against one of those little chair pillows (it's really fun, it's blue and yellow/orange tie dye and it's cool!) doing my homework. History or math, I bet. And I looked out my window, and what should I see but those 40 or 50 ugly birds sitting on my neighbor's house!! None on any other house, none on any trees or on the ground. No sir, they'd moved again, this time to my side of the alley.

Well let me tell you, I was worried then. So far they'd only been on 3 houses, but on each of those houses they left a butt load of poop. (Maybe 40 or 50 butt loads, actually.) Frankly, I didn't want to be the next victim of these overweight birds. But what choice did I have?

Well, Monday came. I woke up, went to the bathroom to do my thing, and who should I see but a bunch of yellow-bellied birds on my roof. But, by some miracle, they chose Monday to break apart! Instead of having 40 or 50 birds pooping on my roof, I had about 10. The rest were on all the other roofs they'd already been to.

Today is Wednesday. Since they first abruptly appeared on Friday, they have stayed on just our 4 roofs. But there are no longer 40 or 50. Those numbers are now down to 38 or 48, because my cat, being the skilled hunter that she is, caught 2 and brought them to my mother, who promptly disposed of them in our garbage can.

I am done.

The Last "Update"

I know I promised I wouldn't update about the Sidekicks anymore, but what kind of @#^ coach says, "Our record is pathetic. Every four games we win one," Tatu said. "We should not worry about San Diego or Kansas City. We need to win here."?! What kind of idiot thinks thats the kind of attitude it takes to lead a team to win? Pea brain.

Sparknotes

Today, I bought sparknotes. That's right, I paid money for the same free resource available to me online. Who, you ask, would ever pay for those except maybe people like Greg who don't have the internet? People like me, in a last ditch effort to find some kind of quotes for my english essay that's due tomorrow, because I didn't have English class today thanks to the hell they put us through with field testing, then my donkey of a teacher wasn't even there afterschool today when I went to go borrow and book, and then the best both Borders and Barnes and Noble could do was order copies for me that would be in stock in 2-3 weeks. No thanks.

Anyway, the point of this blog is not to complain, because I've been doing that way too much lately, but because I wanted somewhere to post the funny poem I found in the sparknotes I bought, and my profile is already beyond full. (Hey Boris, I hate that character limit.) I don't know if the poem was supposed to be a joke or if it was actually supposed to be a poem, but it was funny all the same.


Stopping to Buy Sparknotes on a Snowy Evening

Whose words these are you think you know.
Your paper's due tomorrow, though;
We're glad to see you stopping here
To get some help before you go.

Lost your couse? You'll find it here.
Face tests and essays without fear.
Between the words, good grades at stake;
Get great results throughout the year.

Once school bells caused your heart to quake
As teachers circled each mistake.
Use SparkNotes and no longer weep,
Ace every single test you take.

Yes, books are lover, dark and deep,
But only what you grasp you keep.
With hours to go before you sleep,
With hours to go before you sleep.

Do the Cha Cha

Woo! There are so many different kinds of dances. Not like the kind you go to like at your school or church, but the actions. You can tango or salsa or break dance. Or be like me and take swing lessons! Woo!! That was actually so much more fun than I ever expected it to be. And then there's Irish dancing, which is a very useful skill to have in life. It's important to know how to do lots of kinds of dancing. Wouldn't it be embarrasing if you went to a country-western themed business dinner and you and your date didn't know how to two-step? That's what I thought. Dancing is cool, and very important!

So now that I've established that it's important to learn and use these dances, wouldn't it be awesome if you were the person who INVENTED the dances? I mean, maybe you wouldn't make a ton of money or anything, but you'd be awfully famous if people knew that YOU were the person who invented the jitterbug! Yeah, everyone would love you. Therefore, I'd like to introduce my own dance someday. I don't have a release date yet becuase I'm not quite sure what it will be called or even what exactly it entails, but trust me, it'll be the next best thing since sliced bread. Ashley-dance yourself to death.

Annoyance

I think the indoor soccer scoring is crap. It's basketball, and terrible. 2 points for a regular goal and 3 points if shot from outside the 45' arc. It's supposed to make for a more exciting game, but it's really rediculous. You come up with scores like 23-19. In SOCCER. It's messed up if anything ever is. That, and then there are the cases where the winning team loses. That pisses me off. Sometimes, not all the time, not even most of the time, but just often enough to piss me off, the team who scored the most goals loses. That doesn't make any sense at all. In fact, it's the exact opposite of exactly what the guy who invented soccer decided on. I bet anyone 10 bucks that the guy who made up soccer made a rule somewhere along the lines of "the team with the most goals wins." Well not anymore.

Lol I was watching the news and one headline said "Police stumbe upon skeletal remains while answering a call about a reported shooting." How the heck long did it take them to answer that call?

Today is the best day in the world! I had zero Mason-lesson-ness, no headache, time stood still in order for me to get to class on time after lunch, and my MOST favorite commercial EVER that I haven't seen since the Sidekicks playoffs LAST YEAR came on tonight!! It's the best day ever.

Updates No More

You know what? No more updates. They're obviously cursing something... Screw it. Luck to the boys anyway though. Maybe Dorothy will find Tatu and take him to the wizard to ask for a brain...

Update #3

"Trailing 9-0, Tatu pulled Sidekicks starting keeper Sagu for backup Jesse Llamas four minutes into the second period."
Tatu won Player of the Game from Fox Sports and Minyards Food Stores, but Worst Coach Ever Ever Ever from Ashley.
Final, pathetic score: 19-8